Blurry Lines
by Jelly Bean Jenna
Summary: Set S4- How close have Nick and Andy become, and How far has Sam gone to move on? Why is it so hard for them to get it right, when they both know it's wrong not too? And will Sam ever tell Andy the truth about why he wanted out and what really happened when she got into trouble UC. Warning; possible spoiler alert!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello**

**Time for a new one again, all because I watched the S4 promo. **

**Going to test this idea out first, so leave a review & follow if you want more!**

**It will follow some of the S4 promo out, but the rest is all my wicked mind!**

**As always thanks to the regulars & Kelly2727 & welcome to the newbies!**

**Disclaimer; Nope, Rookie Blue is not mine, & neither is anything you recognize! **

**Warning; possible spoiler alert!**

**Summery: Set S4- How close have Nick and Andy become, and How far has Sam gone to move on? Why is it so hard for them to get it right, when they both know it's wrong not too? And will Sam ever tell Andy the truth about why he wanted out and what really happened when she got into trouble UC. **

**Chapter 1- Homecoming. **

Being away for six months was exhilarating and scary at the same time, not that; that made sense to her anymore.

It had been tough, tough walking away, tough becoming someone else, and it was even worse when the lines separating the black areas from the white areas blurred, and turned everything to grey.

Her mind refused to linger on thoughts of what could have been, or what should have been, she left those behind the day she left the barn after lying to Sam and telling him that she didn't care anymore.

It was a lie, because she was hurting too much to be honest and tell him that she cared so much, that it broke her heart.

Holding her hand up to the back of her head, she let her fingers graze over the lump that had formed there, the area still tender even to her own touch. To be honest, it hurt like hell, but unlike some things, it would heal, and eventually go away.

Thankfully there was no smudge of blood across her fingertips when she pulled her hand around to look at it.

"You okay?". Noelle asked as she bent down to look Andy over eye to eye, Andy merely nodding in reply.

"Where's... Where's Nick?". Andy managed to croak out eventually, her voice groaning in reply as her mind squandered time re-running the last few hours over and over in silence, like she hadn't been there to see it happen.

"He's outside, got to keep you guys separated for now, until you've been debriefed". Noelle flashed a subtle smile, Andy's eyes still sweeping around the room as she took everything in.

"Things just got so bad, so fast...".

Andy was still stuck between shock and haziness, the blow to the back of her head making her feel really queasy when she regained consciousness to find Noelle and Oliver looming over her.

Small splotches of missing images made holes in her memories, key points not really making sense.

Everything was a jumbled mess.

"It'll come back" Noelle said as though she was reading her mind.

"Andy!".

At the sound of her name, Andy looked up to see Traci rush into the room, relief sweeping over her face as she got closer to Andy who was still sitting huddled on the floor.

"Nash". Noelle warned. She couldn't let Traci get caught up in this now, because she had been a major player in the investigation, she had to be kept out now, or things could get complicated.

"Just need to know she's okay". Traci said stopping a few feet away from them, her arms held out to the sides in innocence.

Andy nodded and managed a weak smile, "I'm okay".

Traci smiled back and left them alone again.

"Medics are on their way up". Oliver mumbled under his breath as he came back over to them. He knew that McNally would say that she was fine, and hate the idea of getting checked out, but it was going to happen and not just because it was procedure.

"I'm fine".

See, he knew her so well.

"This isn't up for discussion, it's going to happen. Noelle will stay with you".

Noelle nodded his way, his undeniable worry wrangled up in his words. He didn't need to say the exact thing that he was thinking, she had the same thought cross her mind.

Andy looked down at her hands again, red rings around her wrists marring her pale skin. But that was bound to happen when you were tied up with rope made out of course hemp fiber, something she didn't even know they used in the modern world anymore.

And she only knew this, because the rope lay next to her on the floor in a heap, it had somehow been taken off her wrists and ended up thrown on the floor next to her.

Footsteps echoed on the hard wooden floor of the bedroom, drawing their attention to Luke as he walked in wearing a defeated expression.

"You okay?". His voice was soft, Andy could hear the feint traces of remorse etched in his words.

"Yup, totally fine".

Noelle huffed out a breath, McNally was everything but fine right now.

It wasn't long after that; that Luke returned to detective mode and left Andy to survey the now crime scene.

"I really am you know, okay". Andy whispered as Noelle stood up and held out her hand deciding that Andy was okay enough to stand up off the floor and sit on the bed.

Noelle raised an eyebrow in response as Andy reached out for her hand.

"He didn't...". Andy whimpered out as she sat down on the end of the bed, Noelle sitting next to her.

"We just need to make sure you're okay".

When Andy looked up and found the medics standing in front of her, it was like reality set in.

It came crashing down around her with enough force that suddenly the last six months of her life seemed like they were worthless, it was enough to wind her.

Hours later Andy found herself signing the last forms in a mountain of paperwork.

They were back at the barn, Nick somewhere inside its walls too, after he had; had his face cleaned up and stitched at the hospital.

She had received a blow to the back of her head after he was hit in the face, something that would probably leave a scar. But it didn't matter, they were home, and safe, even though the nightmare had almost swallowed them and could very nearly never have let them go.

The thought caused a shiver to run from the base of her neck, down her spine and out to the very tips of her fingers, her hand giving a light tremor as it reached out to take the coffee that Noelle held out for her.

Noelle hadn't left her side since they found her, and how exactly that had happened was still puzzling.

The last thing she remembered was the yelling and the screaming and the shotgun waving around.

The fear that ran through her in that moment still clung marginally to her, even though she knew that the moment of danger was no longer there.

Then it was just blurry, wavy lines that couldn't be described as pictures and sounds like echoes in a tin can. Maybe voices, maybe footsteps, maybe her name. But she wasn't sure.

Andy still hadn't been allowed to see Nick, but Noelle had told her that he was okay, and that his face was pretty banged up, but he was fine.

Two words she hated - okay and fine, even though her vocabulary consisted of using those words often. They were her defense mechanism. They stopped her from saying what she really meant.

Andy felt like her head was going to unravel and split open at the seams, not even a tequila hangover was as bad as the headache she had now.

"Need a ride home?". Noelle asked, the final bridge about to be closed to the barn until Andy was back on shift after the department shrink had scrutinized her enough to clear her for active duty.

Andy nodded, slid her chair back and stood up from it ready to leave the interrogation room and find comfort between her own four walls.

Frank's words resounded through her mind as Noelle drove her home.

"No contact with Collins, no phone calls, no emails, no visits. Not until the department shrink has signed it off. Meetings with the shrink will be kept, the minimum of eight meetings to be done, two a week as already scheduled on your behalf.

No contact with Detective Nash until she has been debriefed. You will be informed when that has been concluded".

Just as Andy had turned to leave his office after nodding that she understood, Frank had added "McNally, you made us all proud" before she slipped out of the door.

It felt lonely to be cut off from Nick and Traci, and it felt like her suspension all over again - only worse.

But she had to play by these rules, because these rules decided that spending six months of her life like she had wouldn't go to waste, it wouldn't make everything become nothing, and it would make it worth while.

Finally home, Andy let out a long sigh.

Traci had kept her condo immaculate, everything clean and tidy.

Her mail was on the kitchen counter, a stack of envelopes that had probably already been taken care of by the department because they were only bills.

She dropped her bag behind the couch and kicked off her shoes, her mind finally coming to a complete standstill as it listened to the silence that filled her home.

For months she had Nicks voice to keep her company, his clothes thrown all over the tiny one bedroom apartment that they had shared.

Now her own home seemed sterile and tense.

It almost made her choke.

Sinking down on the couch, Andy allowed a river of raw emotions to spill over her in the darkness.

Emotions pent up from before she left, like sorrow and remorse and even guilt. Even anger raged through her at one point.

Sam watched Frank pull his office door closed after switching the lights off and jostling his bag around as he searched for his keys to lock the door.

He found his mind wondering if Frank would be heading home right now, eager to see his daughter if they hadn't found Andy and Collins alive.

He knew he wouldn't be leaving if they were still looking for them, but he couldn't help but wonder if he would be bumping into Frank at the Penny if things had turned out worse than they had.

Sam hadn't really seen Frank or Noelle outside of work much since Gizelle was born, but he understood why.

He felt a hand pat his shoulder his thoughts drawing to Oliver as he moved in next to Sam who was making his way out after an agonizing day.

"You did good brother". Oliver said as he stepped alongside Sam.

Sam didn't say anything in reply, what was he supposed to say to that?

"We made it in time you know" Oliver added, hoping Sam would get the full meaning behind his words.

Sam's only words to match Oliver's were "Penny?". His tone still not entirely free of the morbid tone that seemed to clutch his vocal cords for months.

"Nope, I've got the girls, so we're staying home".

Oliver walked away towards his car as soon as they reached the parking lot, he was most likely running late already.

Sam watched him drive off, giving a shake of his head for what his friend had lost.

Zoe had filed for divorce, and Oliver actually gave in and signed the papers last week after months of trying to reconcile unsuccessfully.

And it was killing Oliver slowly that he had lost his wife, but Sam was thankful that Zoe had let him still be a part of his girls lives. He wouldn't survive if he wasn't.

Even though Oliver had denied it over many conversations, Sam knew that the only reason Oliver had finally given in and signed the divorce papers was because he wanted to make Zoe happy. As wrong as it sounded, he signed because she wanted it, and he would do anything she wanted to keep her happy, even if it meant letting her go.

Kind of made him think of himself once upon a time, he mused as he opened his truck door and got in.

Sam decided to skip the Penny and headed home, the day had exhausted him and the last twenty-four hours he had been running on adrenaline, but now that it was gone; he was tired.

Really tired.

Andy snuggled into her pillows, freshly showered, her hair splurged with water droplets.

She lived on a quiet street, in a good neighborhood, the sounds of silence very different to what she had become used too recently.

There had always been traffic and footsteps on the concrete pavement outside the bedroom window.

But never silence.

She stared at the ceiling as a passing car's headlights lit the shadows across the ceiling up, through the top of the curtains.

Since the day she left, she had wondered what it would be like to come home.

What it would feel like to be in her own bed, answer to her own name and wear her uniform again.

Never in a million years did she picture this; the loneliness, the quiet.

Andy's mind flashed over Sam and the first time they met, when she had burned him and he came back from UC.

She wondered if he felt like this, although he probably hadn't been banned from his best friends like she was now.

Sam.

Something she found herself regretting in its entirety since she agreed to the spot on the task force.

Yup, she totally regretted everything; from the time they met, up until the day she walked out the barn and left in the middle of the night.

Even if there were more good time than bad, the scars that she had were ones she would never shake off, so she decided that regretting it entirely was the best option.

How had he so sentimentally said it 'If we do this, there's no going back', well there definitely wasn't any going back now, was there.

Sam had honestly occupied a majority of her thoughts when she first left, but she soon shut them out and kept them away with everything she had in her.

It hurt too much to linger on the heartbroken thoughts, so she shut them out and did what she had come to do - her job.

Now back in her own persona, there was nothing she could do to stop the onslaught of thoughts about the one man that had ever really and truly broken her heart.

Collective thoughts now roamed her mind freely, without her permission.

She had been an idealist, and naïve before she left, and honestly being under had changed her.

So had what happened the day she left.

Andy never thought she would hear Sam utter those three little words with big meaning, and when he did it was just all so wrong.

His timing was way off, and when he tried to cover it up with that lame comment about bones, Andy realized that he regretted saying them.

It might have been said in a life and death situation, or in a spur of the moment way, but truthfully - she felt it when he said them.

She knew he felt it too when he said them, his eyes couldn't lie. She just had absolutely no clue why he regretted saying them.

But that was then, that was a part of the reason she left. And this was now.

She had briefly wondered if he would be waiting when she came home, but after how they parted; she wasn't counting on it.

Sleep came fitfully to Sam, images of the day seeping their way into his blissful dreams and turning them into nightmares.

He woke up with a startle, drenched in sweat and his sheets tangled in a massive mess on his bed.

It had been a while since he had; had one, but it didn't change the fact that this one ended the same way the others had too.

Sliding out of bed, Sam made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a glass before filling it with water and gulping most of the glass down.

Shaking his head, he pinched his eyes closed and let out a loud sigh that turned into a dry chuckle.

His tongue was sweeping over the inside of his cheek and teeth, the final image of the nightmare replaying on the back of his eyelids.

Still clutching the glass Sam made it over to the couch, turned on the TV and sat down.

He knew that he wouldn't be getting any more sleep after that, so attempting it would be futile.

He would wait for a more reasonable hour, take a long run, and head over to the barn to get an early start to the day.

No point in denying that McNally still managed to make him lose sleep, even though it was enormously wrong for her to be in his dreams, or thoughts.

Settling on a sports channel, Sam got comfortable and let time tick by, McNally banned for forcing her way into his thoughts for the rest of the early morning.

Andy flipped through the channels indecisive about what to watch. Her mind was focused on Sam, then switched to Nick before sliding back over to Sam.

Now that she was allowed to let her thoughts consume her, they did, and there simply wasn't the option of ignoring them anymore.

Whenever her mind swung to Nick, a sad smile graced her lips, she could feel it tug the corners up.

Whenever her mind swept over Sam, the undeniable heartache would return and harsh words would sound in her ears.

Then she would think of how Nick had been there when Sam left her and a torrent of sadness would crash over her again.

Then she remembered what happened with Nick, and didn't quite know what to say or how to feel or...anything.

Everything was just so screwed up and complicated.

Nothing was labeled, and nothing said, so some of the labels became transparent as she tried to dissect every single event that led up to this one single moment.

But the more she dug, the more things intertwined and got tangled together.

Aaarrrggg, why couldn't life just be simple.

**Okay, thanks for reading, let me know if you want more!**

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	2. Stumbled

**As always, thanks for the awesome reviews! For this fic, as well as Maybe, Halo & Sin! You guys are awesome!**

**Thanks to all the regulars & Kelly2727 too! **

**Big thanks to Rookie Blue South Africa, you guys rock with all the pics, news & links! Check them out of Facebook! **

**Seen a lot of new names pop up, so welcome to the newbies!**

**Chapter 2- Stumbled. **

Leaving wasn't as easy as everybody probably thought it was. It was the hardest thing she had ever had to do. It was also something she had promised never to do-_walk away. _

That was what everyone close to her did, until now.

_Now she did it too. _

Time away was meant to be a good thing. It was meant to heal her broken heart. Now she only found it haunting her dreams.

Andy spent most of the night huddled up on the couch after she woke up after experiencing the worst nightmare she had ever had.

Frank called her a little after seven am and asked her to come down to the barn to sign a paper that she had missed and to collect her itinerary for her appointments with the shrink.

She hopped through the shower before making her way to the barn, relishing in the warmth of the sun as it baked on her face. She hadn't seen much of it under, so it was really worth the walk.

She found Frank in his office, two other faces in there with him as he yelled at them for one of them making a stupid rookie mistake.

Andy flashed him a smile when he looked her way before nodding towards the break room, she couldn't help the smile she wore as she walked away.

It had once been her in there, getting the same lecture, so she knew it was for the greater good.

They just had to listen.

Andy made her way to the break room, passing Noelle who stopped her and asked if she was doing okay.

She crossed paths with Oliver too and stopped to share smiles, he seemed kind of distant so she didn't engage him in conversation.

As she turned the doorway to the break room, she froze.

Up until now actually seeing Sam wasn't something she had let consume her thoughts until last night. It was something she had only lightly dusted over before then.

She had no idea what she would find him like when she came home, if he'd be waiting or not. If he'd even be here or not.

If he'd even still be the Sam that she remembered. If he'd hate her for what she did.

But seeing him like that; it just hurt way more than it should have. _Because she didn't want it too. _

Sam was getting coffee when Marlo slipped into the room, her hand running up his back as she stepped in behind him.

"Morning". She whispered, her arm snaking out to wrap around his waist as she leaned against him.

Sam put his hand over her arm and pressed down lightly, his way of saying morning when she was wrapping herself around him.

"Coffee?". He added before he felt her nod.

When it was made, she let go and Sam turned around holding it out for her to take, but her hands were fussing with her uniform so he set it down on the top of the counter.

"So...McNally's back".

Sam knew that Marlo had been waiting for this day, because it would come.

She knew that Sam had a history with his former rookie, and she knew that it was one that would be faced again when 'the rookie' came back. She had heard all the rumors and tales of the entity know as McNally. Now she knew that it was time to face it.

"It's in the past". Sam said as he set his own coffee down and reached out and pulled Marlo a little closer.

He had never really been one to shower women with affection or physical contact, but with Marlo it just felt... Like something he couldn't quite label just yet.

Kissing her in the break room, wasn't part of his morning rituals, or part of today's plan, it just happened.

Andy stared at Sam kissing the dark haired woman as her feet slammed on breaks and she started to back peddle out of the room as quickly as she had blown in. Her head shaking lightly as she watched the scene unfolding in front of her.

Her mind refused to acknowledge what her eyes were seeing as she spun around and raced for the doors that would lead her to freedom.

Sam never made any real physical contact like that with her when they were dating and they were at work. It had been hand holding on the way in or out, and that was it.

Andy's breaths were coming out in sharp gasps as she made it out into the fresh air, the faintest of tremors taking over her body as she kept walking.

This wasn't part of her plan for when she came back, feeling this way.

_It wasn't still supposed to hurt this much. _

Although the thought of him moving on had occasionally crossed her mind if she was honest.

But that didn't account for the storm she felt crash over her heart or the way she felt like she had just been punched in the stomach.

She literally felt sick to her stomach right now.

Only three times before had she felt this way, and the strangest thing was - all three times were Sam related.

The first had been when he was Gabe and she Edie, and she heard the radio call that someone had been shot in the chest - and she thought it was him.

The second had been when she had to wait in the cruiser with Officer Sun when Brennan had taken Sam, and she thought that Brennan was going to torture and kill him. That night she really thought she'd never see him again.

The third was the night he broke up with her, and left her standing in the rain. Until that day she had always loved the rain. Now she detested the feint smell of it as grey clouds loomed, as well as the rolling thunder and the streaks of lightning.

And this was now the fourth time that she felt this way - all torn up inside.

Sam left Marlo to finish her coffee in the break room as he moved to his office to tackle the day ahead.

Since he had moved to the detective rotation his life had changed, his habits had changed.

He loved wearing the uniform, but somehow tackling the new challenges that came without wearing the uniform kept him happy, and busy.

Sudden movement caught his attention as he made his way down the hallway, his eyes following as he noticed Andy shove open the front door before blowing through it like she was mad at the world.

He hadn't seen her, as in really seen her since she was back, but that was only yesterday.

He felt eyes on him and turned his face away from the empty doorway, before heading for his office.

Nash was already hard at work, bouncing off the walls when he walked in.

Her frantic movements stopped when she noticed his presence, a sad smile flashing his way.

He nodded before lifting his coffee to his lips in a bid to hide from her summarizing glance, he hated it when she did that.

Stared at him, tying to figure out what was going on in his head.

"So...". And there it was, her cue for him to start the conversation.

Sam just raised an eyebrow at her as he plonked himself down in his chair.

"I have debriefing in ten...". She added, making him wonder why he automatically assumed that she was referring to McNally being back.

"Don't worry, you've got this". Sam said reassuringly. And he meant it, she really did.

She spent so much time working Dakota from here that other than Callaghan, she was the only person that had a clue as to what was really going on.

Nash had been McNally and Collins' contact besides their handler. She was their way of making contact, their weekly call coming in straight to her.

If the call was ever tracked it would come back to a payphone downtown.

Nash was pretending to be McNally's mother, and she totally nailed it with her natural motherly instinct.

She also knew how to read what McNally was saying, their coded encryption passing as regular mother/daughter conversation.

"Nash, you've got this". Sam repeated, his words making her inhale a deep breath that seemed to calm her instantly.

Nash looked a lot more relaxed now that McNally and Collins were home, she was always so tense when she came off the wire after their calls.

Sam had actually stumbled onto her calls by accident, he wasn't supposed to know where McNally went or what she was working on, so finding Jared and Nash huddled over the wire waiting for the call was kind of the universe's way of tossing McNally back into his life without his permission to do so.

And when Callaghan found out, he was going to have a coronary, they had kept it quiet between the three of them, Callaghan never really sitting in on the calls. And with how things ended, and the reports Sam had to fill out, Callaghan was going to hear about it.

But when they lost contact with her, he stopped caring about Callaghan's warning.

He had ordered Sam to steer clear of Andy and to stop looking for her the morning after she left when Sam cornered him in the hallway. Sam just had a gut feeling that she was gone on the task force that rumors were circulating about.

They'd only been gone for a month when Sam stumbled on the calls, but soon he found himself addicted to sitting in on them every single time one was scheduled.

He became addicted to hearing her voice or a laugh down the line. The addiction spanned over knowing that she was okay, and that she would come home in one piece.

Well, that's how it looked from the first month up until the day before yesterday.

That was how he figured out that something went wrong.

And without Nash agreeing with him, things could have been far worse than they were.

Andy stopped in front of the door, her hand knocking tentatively, more emotions running through her as she waited for her knock to be answered.

"Andy?". Her dad's face lit up soon as he opened the door and found her standing on his doorstep.

"Daddy". She hadn't called him that since she was a little girl, it was usually just dad.

She felt her eyes grow wet, emotions running high as he stepped forwards and embraced her into the tightest hug they had shared since she was just into her teens.

"I've got this" Nash chanted as she collected the files from her desk drawer. She was still a bundle of nerves, and reminded Sam so much of Jerry in his early detective days.

They were the perfect match, that's one of the reasons he tried to look out for her and Leo now.

Nash made a break for the door but stepped back and eyed Sam wearily.

"You know she's back right?".

Sam nodded breaking eye contact with her, he had no idea how this was supposed to go.

"Oookkkaaayyy". She dropped the conversation at Sam's jaw tensing. Mad Swarek was best left in his cage, he wasn't nice when he came out to play.

"So, dinner tonight, seeing as you skipped lunch with me yesterday". Marlo said sounding hopeful as she sat on the corner of Sam's desk.

"Yeah, sorry I had a case".

Sam wasn't technically lying, he was working a case, he just refrained from adding any details that would cause ripples on calm waters.

"Okay, so see you after shift?". Marlo leaned in and brushed her lips over Sam's cheek before slipping off his desk and breezing out the door.

_Why was this so damned hard?_

Andy spent an hour with her dad telling him how sorry she was for running out on him, and that going under was hard but it was the best thing she could have done.

He had nodded and smiled knowingly, like he read her words between the lines.

Their catching up was interrupted by a phone call, Traci's name flashing across her screen.

"Trace?".

"Andy, it's finally done, and Sarge asked me to tell you that you're late for your appointment".

Traci's debriefing took a little over forty-five minutes, she was well prepared with stacks of notes and a diary she had kept regarding the case, the rest was all on tapes, recordings of the calls.

_Oh crap_, Andy was so lost in catching up, she totally forgot.

Kissing her dad goodbye, Andy headed out the door like she was the wind.

Twenty minutes later, she walked into the shri...psychiatrist's office, breathlessly.

She really had to stop thinking about them as the 'Shrink'.

She approached the pleasant receptionist and panted her name out, a sly smile flashed her way as she pointed to the three chairs in the room and told Andy to have a seat.

Minutes later, the doctors door opened and Andy was ushered in, finding the doctor to be far from what she had expected.

Andy shifted around nervously, the shri... Psychiatrist pointing out to a couch opposite the chair she sat in.

Andy expected someone much older, way older than the woman who sat across from her. She was probably close to her own age, maybe ten years older at most.

"Hi Officer McNally, I'm doctor Shayne Farrel".

"Hi...um just Andy". Was the meekly offered reply.

"Hi Andy. Obviously you know why you're here?".

Andy nodded once, just for confirmation.

"So anything you say in this room will be kept confidential. The only time any information will be released is if I think you maybe be intoxicated, under the influence of narcotics or a danger to yourself or someone else.

My report will be sealed, so only the outcome of my evaluation will be passed on to your Staff Sergeant, unless you request it to be kept public.

At no time are you under any obligation to divulge any information about your undercover assignment unless you feel that it somehow relates to you or the reason that you're here.

My sessions are not recorded because of the sensitivity of the information that may be introduced".

Wow, that was a lot to take in.

Deep blue eyes watched her, the woman waiting patiently for her to start, only problem was - she had no idea where to start.

"If you could tell me one thing right now, what would you say?"

The question floated out freely, encouragement for Andy to start talking because it was tense in the room; because she was struggling to find a starting point.

Andy gave the only answer that she could think of, blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I love my job".

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	3. Undeserving

**As always thanks for blowing me away!**

**Thanks to all the regulars & Kelly2727!**

**Welcome to the newbies!**

**Chapter 3- Undeserving **

Andy found it harder than she thought to openly talk to someone she didn't know; about how she felt and what it was like to be under.

There were just certain things that she could bring to pass her lips.

They had openly discussed Nick, well certain parts anyway, Andy couldn't bring herself to say things that she wasn't handling well herself.

She was honest and told Doctor Farrel that she had been scared, and that when things had exploded a few days before it all ended, she mentioned that she had only been scared like that once before - the day she held on to the grenade.

When Doctor Farrel had asked her who Sam was and why she had been so scared then, Andy clamped up and just stared at her vacantly.

Without thinking about it, she rambled on about the whole day, every last, tiny detail revealed unintentionally.

Shortly after that, her time was up, so Andy left and made her way home.

When she made it through the door, she crashed on the couch and let sleep wash over her.

"Andy wake up".

A gentle shake of her shoulder roused her, her eyes fluttering open to find Traci bending over her, the room cast in darkness.

Vague images of that happening before sprang to mind, only Traci looked like Sam when she tried to focus, before he morphed into Oliver.

Wow, her mind was rattled if it was conjuring up images like that. Especially when she was sort of awake.

Andy sat blot upright and stretched out on the couch, her limbs stiff from laying in the same position for however long.

"You okay?". Traci asked, flopping down next to Andy's feet when she pulled her legs up to make space.

"I dunno anymore". Andy mumbled looking at her hands. Things were just so confusing.

"You'll get there, you just got back". There was Traci's motherly tone again.

"I know, it's just that everything is still the same, and so different you know?".

Traci didn't act like she knew how Andy felt, because she really didn't have a clue. But Andy needed time to adjust back to being herself.

"It's gonna be tough, but it'll get better".

Andy sighed out a long "When?" as she flopped down backwards, her hands covering her eyes.

"I guess you mean Sam too right". She knew Andy did, she didn't need to ask.

"Yup, thanks for the heads up by the way". Andy peered at her friend between her parted fingers that still sheltered her eyes.

"I didn't know. I think it's kind of new?". She honestly didn't know, Sam wasn't flaunting it around the barn, and until today - she had no clue. She stumbled in on them by accident, when she was looking for Sam.

"It doesn't matter anyway, that Sam's has a new girlfriend..."

That sounded so wrong coming out of her mouth.

"Rrriiiggghht. Like your face says it doesn't matter".

"Hey, let's go to the Penny, I've got tomorrow off and my Sitter has Leo".

That made Andy's head snap up, Traci had actually gotten a sitter for Leo. Something she swore she would never do, because she didn't want Leo around people she didn't know.

"You got a sitter?".

"Yup, once a week, or weekend".

Wow, Traci had finally let someone else in to help her with Leo.

"Okay, let's go". Andy said jumping up.

She had really missed this.

Traci was looking forward to drinks with Andy, it had been too long, and it had been a tiring day, too many unnatural things seen. It was no wonder cop's drank copious amounts of alcohol.

Not to mention the nerve wrecking debriefing that turned out not to be as bad as she thought it would be.

As they walked in, Dov yelled out.

"Andy?". just as the sound of a scraping chair echoed through the interior.

Andy hadn't seen anyone besides Oliver, Noelle, Luke and Frank since she came back, so it was a nice surprise to see Dov at the Penny.

And Gail.

Something she hadn't factored on until she saw her glance up from her beer when she heard Andy's name called out.

Sam knew that this was a bad idea. He just had that gut feeling. But she wanted to stop and have a drink with Oliver, so they stopped.

He had that nagging feeling since he woke up this morning that something wasn't quite right, he just wasn't able to label it until now.

He felt her presence before Epstein yelled her name across the bar. He knew she was here the second the door swung open.

She still had that damned effect on him.

Everything after that seemed to happen in slow motion. Oliver yelling "McNally?" as he stood up and turned around. Marlo visibly tensing at the sound of her name.

The hair on the back of his neck standing up on end.

He tried not to look, tried his damnedest not to let his eyes sweep over to her, but he just couldn't stop them. It was like magnetism pulled his eyeballs her way.

Sam pulled back, moving out of Marlo's personal space, but his hand stayed where it was. On her leg, resting visibly round about mid thigh.

McNally seemed to be engulfed by hugs from Peck and Epstein as they made their way over to her.

Andy saw Sam's jaw tense before he looked away. Traci mumbling something about tequila drawing her attention away from Sam.

Her eyes flew around the room, avoiding one section of the bar as she tried to deny the fact that she really was out of the picture now.

Sam was leaning really close to the woman, his hand on her thigh, her hand on his forearm as she said something. As much as Andy tried to not stare, she couldn't not look either.

She watched as Sam leaned in really close, his lips moving as he returned an answer to whatever the dark haired woman had said.

"Rock-n-Roll McNally". Dov whispered in her ear, a light giggle escaping from her at his words.

Gail gave Andy an over exaggerated roll of her eyes before she swooped in too for a hug.

"Beers, we've gotta get more" Dov suddenly chimed in.

"Andy...".

But Andy wasn't listening. She had her lip between her teeth, her eyes feasting one more time on the scene unfolding in a far corner of the bar, Traci eventually keeping her mouth quiet and yanking Andy by the hand to their usual table.

Dov set beers and shots down in front of them, Andy keeping her back turned to face Sam and his date.

"Hey, I'm just glad you're home. Don't ever do that to me again". Dov said bumping shoulders with Andy as he held out a shot glass for her.

"Trust me, I won't ever do that again".

She really wouldn't ever. Part of the reason she took the UC was to better understand Sam and the hold doing UC's had over him. She was trying to understand him, but only ended up understanding that she could never do that again.

"That bad huh?".

"You have no idea".

Andy withdrew into her shell, keeping quiet most of the time, while the others laughed and joked and told her the outrageous screw ups that the new batch of rookies had made.

They were almost as bad as some of the ones they had made.

"You thought he'd wait right?".

She just had too lean in and say it, hit the nail on the head. But Andy couldn't blame Traci for saying it, someone would have eventually anyway.

"Yup". Andy's answer was riddled with hurt, reality was he didn't wait. It was over.

"Andy he waited for you when you were a rookie. He waited for you when you were with Luke. He waited for you when you got over Luke and on suspension and even after that. It's unfair for him to wait forever".

"I know, I just thought...".

"Thought he'd wait because of what happened the day you left?".

Andy's eyes snapped to meet Traci's, she'd never had the chance to tell her what happened or what Sam had said.

"He told me, that night here, when I ran into him. He still waited after that you know".

"I didn't ask him to wait Trace".

"Andy, you've never had to ask Sam anything".

Andy focused on the table, Traci was speaking the truth. And that just made her feel a whole lot worse.

"Andy how many times have you left Sam? This isn't the first time, but it was the worst time. You left him on suspension too. And the blackout".

"And you think it was easy Trace? I left my heart here when I left, and it's too late to get it back now. He's moved on, and it's my own fault".

Andy nodded barely registering what Traci was saying after that.

She felt numb.

Before coming home, she was nervous and scared. She was optimistic, and hopeful too. But now it seemed like a waste of time.

All the positive feelings that had been there, faded away.

Sam finished his drink and nodded towards the door, Marlo nodding in agreement.

She looked uncomfortable sitting here while everyone fawned over McNally's return; her name being dropped every few minutes wasn't helping either.

Sam handed Liam some cash as Marlo slid off her chair and said goodbye to Oliver who shared a look with Sam when he approached to bid his farewell.

Sam knew what Oliver was trying to say, what he'd been saying since Sam started seeing Marlo; "It's not over with McNally".

Sam dropped Marlo off at home and said goodnight on her front doorstep instead of venturing in like he would normally. But she understood, he had somewhere to be.

He drove around for a while before making his stop, just to clear his head.

It was over with Andy, because she had decided that he wasn't enough anymore. Or because she didn't feel the same way anymore. She left him when he tried his damnedest to explain everything to her.

He had waited the first night for her to come to the Penny, and the second and every night after that until he just couldn't wait anymore.

He was done waiting for someone that didn't want him.

He just couldn't do it anymore.

He tried, he waited even after he knew where she went.

He waited even after Marlo came back to Fifteen, her stint with SWAT over.

He waited until he realized that if and when Andy came home, it would still be over between them.

He had been so sure about his feelings, what he felt for Andy, because it hurt so damned much when she left.

When Jerry died, it hurt like hell. Losing one of his two best friends caused him to lose himself momentarily. But to lose her, it ripped his heart clean out of his chest.

He'd never felt more fear than he had that day too, watching her hold on to that grenade, fear etched in her eyes even though she tried so desperately to cover it up.

Actually facing the possibility of losing her made his heart stop, his lungs cease to breathe. But he didn't regret telling her how he felt, he never would. If they parted that way; then at least she knew how he felt, knew the truth.

Life without her wasn't easy, it was dull and lifeless. Empty. Scary.

He always worried if she was okay, did she have somewhere safe to sleep? Did she eat? Was Collins looking after her, watching her back? Keeping his hands to himself?

Yup, even that thought had crossed his mind because he just couldn't help it.

Before she left, her scent was already gone from his pillows, then it was seeing her from a distance that evaporated. Then it was her altogether, until only memories and a broken heart were left behind.

She was officially the only woman that had ever broken his heart.

But now he had Marlo. A fresh start, a chance to make something of it so he wouldn't be alone.

He just had to keep getting over Mcnally, and keep giving Marlo a chance.

Andy's mind swerved between the mistakes she had made and the regrets she had, while she sipped on her beer and shut the conversation out. But then there were the things she would never call a mistake, never take back. Like when she blurted out her feelings. That was something she would never regret, except maybe the way she did it.

But it was done with. Well and truly over.

There was no coming home and fixing things, no taking back what she said and done.

Milling over Traci's words, she saw some understanding in why Sam never said anything to her about how he felt before the night at the Alpine. She knew it was there before then, she just never figured out why he never acted on it, or said something or gave her any indication that it was there.

Until now.

Now it made perfect sense.

If he felt the way he said he did, then he stood back and let her follow what she thought she wanted. He stood aside so that she could find her happiness and live her life without him complicating it.

Making one last promise to herself as she slipped between the covers with heavy eyes, when Traci took her home, Andy vowed to let him have what he deserved.

Because simply put, she didn't deserve him.

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	4. Nothing And Everything

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**Chapter 4- Nothing and Everything. **

Traci slid onto a chair next to Oliver. He was still at the Penny when she drove past after leaving Andy's, so she stopped.

"She okay?". Oliver turned to face her when he noticed her presence.

"No". Traci motioned for another beer.

She had spent many nights like this drinking at the Penny with Oliver, since Andy left, and more frequently since his divorce. He was going through a tough time and so was she after Andy left, so their bond grew as did hers with Sam.

Oliver shook his head as he lifted his beer to his lips for another sip.

"Not sure he is either". Oliver mumbled, his speech slurring slightly.

"It's his choice Oliver, he needs to move on".

"I know, but it's just so _wrong_". Oliver said turning back to face Traci.

"This is _Sammy and McNally_, it shouldn't be Sammy and someone else or McNally and nobody". He added.

Traci had learned that he was a hopeless romantic, and that he firmly believed that you only got that one shot with that one special person. He also believed that he lost his shot when Zoe filed for divorce.

"I know, but maybe this is just how it's meant to be". Traci looked away when she said that, she really didn't actually believe that, but Sam and Andy needed to do it on their own if they ever wanted a shot at getting there.

"Nash, can you honestly tell me that you aren't lying through your teeth right now?". Oliver managed a sad smile with his question.

Since their lives had fallen apart, he had lost Jerry - one of his best friends, and he lost his wife, although his bond with his girls was as solid as ever. He lost a piece of Sam too when McNally left, and then there was just losing McNally. She was like his grown up daughter.

Sammy changed after Jerry died, but Oliver never expected him to push the one good thing he had going for him away. When Sammy told him that things were over with McNally, Oliver saw how cut up Sam was about it, even though he tried to hide it.

They'd been friend for Fifteen years, through good times and bad. Sammy was the first one too wish Oliver his congratulations on the birth of his two youngest daughters.

Oliver had never seen Sam so lost in another human being, so when Sam told him that it was over Oliver asked him the first thing that came to mind- _"why are you letting her go when you love her so much?"_. He didn't know the particulars about their breakup, but he didn't have too, he knew Sam.

He had watched them from the time McNally took Sam down, up until the time they finally got it together, and it was the one and only time he had seen Sam like that over a woman. One and only time he'd seen him fall in love too.

"It's _not_ how it's supposed to be Nash".

"I feel the same way, but sometimes I just wonder if they aren't meant to be together. They're too broken to go back to where they were Oliver".

Her words made Oliver groan out loud as his head slipped into the palm of his hand, his head shaking as it came to rest.

"It's the _only _way it's meant to be, they just need to get the memo".

Sam drove past Nash down the road from McNally's so he figured that she had taken her home.

He knew that she would find out about Marlo eventually when she came back, he just never meant to rub it in her face the second she got back to town. He contemplated pulling over, but he knew if he made a bad decision when it came to her, that would be it.

Andy made it to the barn before the rain started. It was overcast and felt generally like her mood.

Dull and grey.

She had asked Frank to reschedule her as soon as possible, sitting at home would drive her insane.

Her appointments with Doctor Farrel were going well, and the Doctor had signed it off after six appointments, so Andy couldn't wait anymore.

She just wished that the weather had been as sunny as the news was that she was good to go, although she still hadn't been told if she was allowed contact with Nick or not.

Andy slipped inside the barn unnoticed by everyone, heading for the locker room to finally be able to get back into her uniform.

She'd swung by when Frank called and collected them to take them to the cleaners, the smell of fabric softener lingering in the air behind her as she carried them to her locker.

She opened her locker and hung them up, her hand gently swiping over her nametag after she removed the plastic coverings.

There was a time that she thought that there might be the chance that she wouldn't wear it again while she was under. When things got really rough.

The sudden clearing of a throat startled her, she was so lost in the moment that the outside world had become opaque.

She didn't need to turn around to know that it was him, she could just tell. Like she had always been able too. She could also smell his cologne.

Her hand patted the nametag before pulling away as she turned to face him, taking a calming breath as she whirled around.

"Hey" she managed without sounding like she felt on the inside.

"Hi".

He was still so like Sam.

He just looked a little more worn, almost like he had aged a little. But he looked good.

Really good.

She hadn't seen him since that night at the Penny, three weeks had gone by and he was just a figment of her imagination over that time.

"Glad you're back". He managed to break the ice forming in the room.

"Me too". Andy managed a smile to go with the words, one that was genuine.

"Hear you did good, congratulations". Sam was wearing a smile too, but it didn't quite show his dimples, or light up his eyes.

"Thanks, hear you made detective, congratulations Sam".

Sam's lips pulled into a tight line as he looked around before dropping his gaze to the floor. He had no idea how to say what he wanted too, no idea where to start.

"I um..."

The locker room door sprang to life, Andy jumping a little as Noelle walked in.

"Shifts coming in Sammy". She said as she passed him. Her way of saying, _'Your girlfriends here, so stop talking to your ex alone in the locker room'._

"See you Sam". Andy turned away first, Sam not responding before he slipped out the room.

"Welcome back". Noelle said giving Andy a hug.

"Thanks, how's Gizelle?".

"She's good, really good. You should come say hi sometime".

"Yeah, I will".

"You really okay?".

Noelle didn't miss the look Andy was wearing at seeing Sam, she had heard about their run in at the Penny the other night.

"Yeah, totally fine". Andy tried to school the emotions she could feel running over her face.

"Not what I meant, but you know where to find me". Noelle gave Andy a squeeze on her arm in passing, as she made her way to her own locker. She could see that McNally really wasn't okay, but she was putting up a damned good show at pretending that she was.

Andy was ready in record time, she was in a hurry to get out of the locker room before Sam's girlfriend showed up.

She made herself coffee at the coffee stand finding that she had actually missed the revolting stuff while she was under. She had to put up with a lot worse then.

Bodies started filling the barn so she dumped her empty cup in the trash and made for the parade room.

Oliver was already in the parade room, sitting on the edge of a desk right at the back, his phone in his hand.

He was smiling at it sadly, his face creased.

Andy's movement caught his eye and he looked up to find her braced up with her hand on the doorway.

"Back in uniform". Oliver stated.

"Yup, missed you guys too much".

"You too McNally, its been kinda boring without you here". Oliver managed to find a smile.

Andy smiled back, the sad, understanding kind of smile.

"I heard...". She didn't want so say the words, so she didn't. "I'm so sorry".

Oliver shrugged, his mouth muttering a "It happens".

"So how was it really?". He added as she sat down next to him and bumped shoulders.

"Really good. Exhilarating, scary".

"Sounds good. Gonna disappear on us again?".

"I might, but I'll be here for a while".

Noelle stepped into the room, followed by Traci and Dov, so Andy slipped off the table and moved to join them sitting closer to the front. "See ya". Andy smiled at Oliver, as she turned to walk away, dark eyes watching her from the doorway.

Andy felt someone sit down next to her in the empty chair, so looking up she felt like she was ready to explode.

"Nick!".

She almost lunged at him then, but she remembered where they were.

"Couldn't let you have all the fun alone". Nick said returning her really wide smile.

During parade, Andy kept her eyes focused on Frank as he welcomed them back and handed out assignments.

She blatantly refused to turn around and look back at the eyes she could still feel focused on her.

When Frank dismissed the room, Andy turned to seek the woman out, but she was already gone. Sam was missing too, a breath of relief sweeping through Andy at managing to get through her first parade without having him here to make it harder.

Andy stood up and followed Traci out the door, Gail storming past them and leaving the room at high speed. Nick fell into step beside her as they made it out into the hallway, a coffee stop calling before they went out on patrol.

"Why is this so hard?". Nick mumbled as he caught up with Andy, his eyes following Gail as she turned to corner at the end of the hall.

"She still mad?".

"She's so pissed, she won't even take my calls".

Andy knew how Nick felt about Gail, it was often the topic of conversation while they were under.

"You okay?". Nick asked when they finally reached the coffee counter.

"Yup, totally". Andy knew that he would see through her lie, but she tried anyway.

He just looked at her with raised eyebrows.

Yup, he totally believed that.

"Hey, let's do this shift and we'll grab pizza and beer and spend some quality time dreaming?". Andy said as she bumped shoulders with Nick while he was pouring them coffee.

"You're on". Nick said stepping to the side and away from Andy so that he could pour their coffees without spilling.

When she stepped closer again, Nick growled out her name, a light giggle slipping out of her mouth as she backed away and held her hands out in surrender.

Sam stood watching them. He was passing the coffee station when he heard her laugh and even though he tried to keep moving, he couldn't.

His eyes narrowed to slits as he watched how Andy teased Collins, their bond so evident that even he could see that they had grown really close over the last six months.

Sam knew that they were friends before they left, but now they looked like they had formed a bond much tighter than it had been before they left.

He expected some fitful feeling of jealousy or harbored resentment to rush through him at watching the scene unfold, but there wasn't any. Surprisingly. And even if there was, he had no right to feel any of those.

In a way Sam felt a feeling of satisfaction at knowing that she had someone there for her. But it didn't make him feel any better.

Letting his feet carry him forward, Sam did what he did best, he walked away.

When Nick and Andy made it to the cruiser, Andy noticed Gail staring at them with a cold glare.

"Can I um...". Andy nodded in Gail's direction, Nick nodding in reply.

"I'll wait in the cruiser" Nick jiggled the keys in the air.

"Gail, got a minute?".

Gail nodded, but still held back. Andy had sensed it the night at the Penny too.

"Nothing happened, I swear".

That was probably a good place to start.

"It doesn't matter Andy". Gail's tone was cold.

"It does, it matters to you".

Andy really didn't feel like doing this now, but it was weighing heavily on Nick that Gail kept him shut down.

"Gail, all that happened was that he left you, he screwed up. Trust me when I say he regrets leaving you.

And really, _NOTHING _happened. It's just not there with us".

"Andy, he left, and I really don't care if you two had a thing or whatever, that's none of my...".

Andy punched Gail in the arm, getting her to cut off her rant.

"Gail, the only thing that happened between us was hand holding and pecks on the cheek to keep cover. And..."

Andy cut her own sentence short to see Gail's face drop like Andy had punched her in the face.

"No! No... Nick was there when I kinda lost myself one night. He spent the entire next day just laying on the bed with me, like Dov or Chris would talking and listening when I really freaked out. Me and Nick, not ever gonna happen".

Gail's eyes seemed to warm up at Andy's words, some of her coldness slipping away.

"Promise?". Gail tried not to look at Nick, but she kept stealing glances over Andy's shoulder at him sitting in the cruiser.

"Gail, I swear. I could never be that person, I know what it feels like, trust me".

"Later McNally". Gail said, her lips tugging up effortlessly as she suddenly just left Andy standing there.

Maybe things would get better for them now.

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	5. Behind Brown Eyes

**Hello, time for another update!**

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**Special thanks to Christine Cashman, for another awesome cover! **

**Hey Mandy- here's a shoutout just for you! **

**Welcome to the newbies!**

**Chapter 5- Behind Brown Eyes. **

Andy spent her shift on patrol with Nick. Frank had thought it best to bring them both back on to shift together; so that they had someone to lean on. Even though he didn't say it, they knew it.

Shift was busy, everything from a DUI, to a bag snatcher, to a teenage shoplifter; that stole because he was hungry, and couldn't afford food.

Yup, life was just peachy.

They were in and out of the barn like yo-yo's dropping off suspects and filling out paperwork before leaving, to do it all over again.

By the time they made the last trip over to the barn with a cuffed passenger in the back of the squad car, Andy was dead on her feet.

Nick pulled up into the sallyport, Andy getting out of the cruiser the minute the wheels stopped rolling.

She rounded the car and yanked open the back door, her hand latching on to the moron in the back's arm before pulling on it in a bid to get him out of the car.

When he was out, he stumbled to his feet, smiling at Andy as she tried to hold him up.

It was six pm and the guy was so smashed, he fell asleep on a bus.

The bus driver thought he was dead; that's how passed out he was.

Andy guided the guy through the door as Nick held it open, a thank you smile passing her lips towards him.

Just as she stepped through the doorway into booking Sam crossed their path, his head hanging as he read something clutched in his hand.

Andy's steps faltered as she heard Nick close the door behind them, but when she turned around, Nick wasn't behind her. No one was. Just the closed door.

Sensing her hesitation, the cuffed drunk stepped sideways and into Andy with enough force to ram her shoulder first into the wall on the other side of her.

She let out a stifled yelp, more in surprise than in pain when she hit the wall; her hand holding onto him immediately letting him go.

Andy gathered that she had been the moron by underestimating the guy they had arrested. He had obviously slept it off enough driving around the city on a bus that he was able to formulate an idea to escape arrest.

Sam looked up in time to see Andy slam into the wall before sliding down it and sitting on the floor.

The guy she had been leading into booking took off running, making it past him before he had time to react.

He watched as Andy stumbled to her feet, taking a step forward before her hand flew out and slid over the surface of the wall before she froze.

She bent forwards, her head dipping down low as her hand stayed on the wall in a bid to keep herself steady.

When Andy looked up she found Sam inches away, his hand on her arm as he held on to her to keep her steady on her feet as she swayed slightly.

"Sit". Sam said, Andy shaking her head as she stood up straight and tried to step away from Sam.

A second later, Andy felt the world start to spin again, as she became dazed and light headed.

Andy allowed Sam to hang on to her knowing that if she moved away she would hit the floor if he let go of her.

Sam spun her around and let her back find the wall before sinking down to the ground with her.

This time, she didn't put up a fight, she sat down leaning against the wall, her head between her knees as she pulled them up.

"The...the...". Andy tried to talk, but her mind wasn't focusing enough to form a coherent thought.

"Don't worry McNally, he's cuffed. He won't go very far before someone stops him".

She knew she should have eaten at lunchtime. She just wasn't hungry.

She couldn't even remember the last time she had eaten a decent meal that didn't consist of takeout. And that was when she ate.

Sam was kneeling down in front of Andy, one hand on the floor bracing himself up, the other braced on the wall over her bent head, when Nick came flying in through the door after a radio call went out asking who had lost their loaded perp in the barn.

"Andy?". He sounded panicked when he found her on the floor, Swarek hovering over her.

Andy's head lifted as she tried to focus on where Nick's voice was coming from, Sam much closer than she expected him to be.

She wasn't sure if the warm, bubbly feeling that spread over her was from Sam's close proximity, or from the fact that skipping lunch had nearly caused her to pass out.

Sam looked at her pale skin and rapidly blinking eyes before moving away and standing up, Collins receiving one harsh look as Sam moved out of his way.

"You okay?". Collins said as he bent down to mirror Sam's stance from a moment ago.

"Yeah, fine" Andy managed out, causing Sam to huff out a sigh.

"Make sure she eats Collins". Sam growled out before walking over to the papers he had forgotten when he dropped them onto the floor, and snatched them up before leaving down the hallway.

His words came out harshly, and cold, making Andy glare at him in response, even though his back was facing her as he walked away.

Nick took her home and ordered the promised pizza, after booking the guy when Oliver handed him over. Andy had been quiet since they left the barn, probably because she felt like crap, and felt bad for letting the guy she arrested pull a fast one on her.

She skipped a shower at the barn, so Nick ushered her off to take one while they waited for the pizza to be delivered.

Stepping in under the warm water, Andy breathed out a sigh of frustration. She was frustrated and mad.

Mad at herself for letting her guard down, mad at Sam for being there at the wrong time, and seeing her make another screw up. Mad at him for using such a cold tone on Nick when all Nick had ever done was be the friend that she needed.

Aaarrrggg, life was so complicated.

Andy found Nick watching reruns of sitcoms that they had missed being under, pizza already on the table when she came out of the bathroom.

"No beer?" She asked noticing that the other half of their deal was nowhere in sight.

Nick shook his head, although Swarek's words were harsh, they were right. She needed to eat more.

Andy sunk down onto the couch next to Nick, and leaned forward.

"Why is this so hard? I mean, it never looked this hard when Sam came home from his".

Nick knew that she was talking about their return home and adjusting back to their own lives after having left them behind for so long.

"Why compare us to Swarek?".

"Because he made this look so easy". Andy turned on the grumpy mood, the kind of one that made her resemble a sulking child.

"Andy, we'll get there" Nick said handing her a slice of pizza.

Sam stared at nothing, leaning back in his chair still at work.

His shift was over, he could leave, but he just didn't seem to have the willpower to right now.

His run in with Andy today had made every single fiber of feeling he felt for her bubble to the surface the second he saw her stumble on her own feet.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep the memories at bay, they spread across his mind; blanketing it in the past.

A soft knock at his door made him look up to see Marlo leaning against the doorframe looking defeated.

"Got a minute?". She asked as she pushed off the doorframe and stepped closer without waiting for an answer.

Sam's eyes followed her as she crossed the room before she perched herself down on the end of his desk facing him.

"This is kinda hard, but I need to say that I can't do this".

Sam was surprised by her sudden withdrawal, he had expected her to be a little more willing to try this seeing as she was the one that initiated their relationship.

"Sammy, it's not you, or even me. I've been competing with a ghost since this started, and she's not a ghost anymore, she's back. I can't do this when you're still in denial".

Huh? That didn't even make sense.

"Sam, even though your mouth denies it, your eyes don't lie. Neither does this". Marlo's hand reached out and patted Sam's chest. "We both know what's in here".

Sam's jaw clenched at the unpleasant reminder he faced every single day.

"It's not over, even if you say it is. Something that intense doesn't just go away Sam". Marlo added as she slid off the edge of his desk and leaned down to give him a peck on his cheek.

She had been watching Sam closely for the last few days since McNally had returned, and even she could see that it wasn't over. Whatever he felt for his former rookie still hovered in his heart.

And that was without even really seeing them interact.

Sam watched her walk away. Had it been that obvious that he still felt a whole lot of emotions for Andy that even someone that hadn't met her could see it?

"So how's Gail?". Andy asked Nick after they settled down back on the couch after finishing the pizza.

"Seriously?". Nick choked out. He was having a really tough time facing the wrath of Gail Peck because she was ignoring him like he didn't exist.

"She'll let it go eventually". Andy replied. Gail was tough, as hard as nails, with a rough exterior, but inside she was soft and warm. She was human.

"Yup, in the next lifetime".

"Don't call her Nick, go over there and knock on the door until she opens it. Gail isn't someone you talk too over the phone, she's a... In your face kind of person".

"I doubt she'd open the door". Nick sighed. He felt so guilty for leaving, but Gail had said she was leaving too and didn't invite him along so what was he supposed to do?

Andy stood up, and nodded towards the door when Nick looked at her questioningly.

"Okay, I'll knock and she'll see me and open the door. But then I'm out of there, so you're on your own buddy".

"What?". Nick seemed a little lost.

"Let's go, she won't wait forever you know".

Andy figured that at least one of them should have the chance to fix things. If it wasn't her, then it should be Nick and Gail.

"Arg, do I need to draw a picture? Let's go".

They hailed a cab and gave the cabbie Gail's new address. Andy had asked Traci where it was, so that part was easy.

Now twenty minutes later, they were standing on the pavement outside her building, Nick refusing to take another step.

Movement at the entrance door drew their attention, both Andy and Nick looking up to find Gail coming out the building with her brother Steve.

She noticed them too and stopped before looking away and following Steve towards his car.

Seeing her actually there managed to snap Nick out of it, her name falling from his lips repeatedly until she stopped and spun around to face him, her face creased.

Steve knew the history so he got into his car as soon as he reached it, leaving Gail to fend for herself as Nick approached her.

"I...". He wasn't finding any words, his mind overflowing with so many things that it caused him to totally clam up.

Gail eyed him as he stopped in front of her, the sound of passing cars the only sound that filled the night air.

Andy smiled when Nick suddenly just reached out and pulled Gail closer, embracing her in a kiss that seemed to render her beyond protesting.

Happy that finally there was some kind of progression there Andy slipped away, leaving Nick alone with Gail on the sidewalk trying to put a small piece of their lives back in place.

She hailed another cab and asked to go to the Penny instead of home. She wasn't in the mood to go home and mope some more, so maybe a drink wasn't such a bad idea.

The cab pulled up outside the Penny, Andy thanking the cabbie as she paid him and got out.

She moved across the parking lot, her eyes scanning over the parked cars as she sought out the patrons inside by the cars in the parking lot.

Oliver was here, so was Chris and Luke. Their cars were actually parked next to each others in that order.

As she passed Sam's truck, Andy let out a huffed breath before she allowed her feet to plant themselves to the spot.

Why was he still always just there?

Andy stopped and turned around, she really didn't want to see more disappointment in his eyes like she had seen earlier tonight.

So she crossed the parking lot again and hailed a cab to take her home.

Sam found himself now really wanting to go home.

He left the barn and came to the Penny hoping to find some relief at the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

By the third shot, Oliver was gaping at him, he hadn't seen Sam drink like that since the week McNally left for Dakota.

Sam eyed Oliver in return, biting out a few words when he said "Don't say a word" and finishing the shot.

With that Sam set the glass down and patted Oliver on the shoulder before leaving.

If he stayed any longer he'd be taking a cab home.

He opened the door and walked out into the cool night air just in time to catch sight of a flash of dark hair getting into a cab at the end of the parking lot.

He knew it was Andy, even though it was too dark to make out her face. He could tell by the way she moved that it was her.

Sam stood there watching the cab drive away. She'd probably seen his truck here and didn't want to face him.

Or see him with Marlo.

The thought was crushing enough to make Sam go back into the Penny and slid back onto his chair, ignoring Oliver's confused glances.

He ordered a double whiskey and a tequila, without even looking in Oliver's direction.

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	6. Food And Friendship

**As always thanks for the awesome reviews!**

**Thanks to the regulars, Kelly2727 & the newbies!**

**Chapter 6- Food & Friendships. **

Sam woke up with another 'McNally Hangover'.

He had; had them when they first met, when she was his rookie, when she was dating Callaghan, when she was getting over Callaghan, and then again when he broke up with her and when she first left for Dakota.

He had never had one in the time between the Alpine and the day that Jerry died.

And now they were back.

Cursing his ability to handle so much alcohol, Sam stepped into the shower hoping that today would not be a day that the devil himself had designed with his hangover in mind.

Traci smiled at Andy warmly when she found her lurking in the locker room before shift.

She had missed her more than she ever thought possible.

"Hey". Traci set her bag down on the bench next to Andy who sat on it lacing her boots up.

"Hi".

"Can we talk?". Traci slumped down between Andy and her bag, she really needed to get a few things off her chest.

"Sure. You okay?".

Traci nodded before looking up at Andy, a slight smile on her face.

"When you left, I was so mad. But then I remembered turning down the same spot because I wasn't allowed to say goodbye to Leo. I figured if I had been able too, and I took the spot, I would have left without saying bye to you too".

"Trace..."

They hadn't ever really talked about this, but Andy knew that eventually it would be the topic of conversation.

"Andy, I need to say this.

When you left, I was so mad. Mad at you yes, but not for leaving, for giving up. It felt like you were giving up on me, but I was mad at you for giving up on Sam after he told me what happened. I was mad that you had a chance that Jerry and I didn't get to have, and you were wasting it.

But Sam made me realize that I was wrong, that you left because you chose your career and I'm sorry I was so mad at you".

"Traci, I don't blame you for being mad. You were going through so much and I just left you".

"Andy, I get why you left and I'm not mad anymore. I'm proud of you. So is Sam".

Traci watched as Andy turned away and focused on finishing her laces at the mention of Sam being proud of her.

"He is. He's proud of what you've become Andy. We all are".

Andy sat up straight and tried to force a smile that her heart wasn't in.

"Look, It was really hard on him when you left and up until Marlo, he wasn't himself".

Hearing that made Andy wish Traci would just shut up. She really didn't need to hear details of Sam's personal life.

"I'm screwing this up aren't I?".

Traci actually laughed the words out as Andy scowled at her.

"All I'm saying is that I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. I think I knew about the rough patch you guys were going through, but I was too wrapped up in losing Jerry to focus on anything else".

"No! Don't you dare say that! Traci Jerry died, Sam and I broke up, how can you even think that you needed to be there for me when you were going through that?".

"It's how I feel now. I saw what you guys were going through, and I just left it".

"Nothing you could have said would have changed anything Traci. We just aren't... Compatible".

The word compatible made Traci giggle. If Andy could see herself and Sam through the eyes of others, she would be forced to face the truth- they were the same in so many ways that it was scary.

"What? We aren't. We never should have even tried to be anything more than friends. It was doomed from the start".

"Andy, you don't mean that. Do you honestly regret it? Regret Sam altogether?".

Andy nodded without hesitation, telling Traci that she was being truthful. She regretted the whole entirety of her relationship with Sam.

"If I had left it alone, it wouldn't be this hard, but I don't think, I act, and I don't take things slow- I close my eyes and jump".

Traci noticed the hurt in Andy's voice. She really was struggling to keep it together.

As Traci opened her mouth, the locker room door opened and Marlo walked in.

Andy dropped her gaze from Traci to the floor and kept her head hanging down a little so that she could avoid having to see Marlo.

Traci stood up and asked Andy if she wanted coffee, Andy staring at her in confusion until Traci's intentions became clear.

She was about to leave Andy alone with Marlo so that she could... whatever it was that would happen.

Traci ignored Andy's pleading face and left, Andy abandoning her undone left lace as she stood up.

Marlo stopped in front of a locker but kept her eyes on McNally, just as she stood up and moved for the door.

"Hey McNally?".

Andy froze and turned cautiously as she let out a long breath hearing her name called by Sam's new girlfriend.

Marlo didn't wait for and answer, as soon as McNally was facing her she said what she needed too "Sammy's a good guy, don't break his heart again".

As soon as the words left her lips, Marlo turned away, but not before seeing McNally's face crease in confusion.

She really was clueless.

Andy snapped her eyes to the door as she turned away and her hand reached for the handle. The woman seriously had something wrong with her.

Saying something like that to your boyfriends ex girlfriend just wasn't normal.

Andy sank down into a chair in parade just as Frank walked in.

Her mind was still locked in Marlo's words. Nick slid into the chair next to her, his arm wrapping around the back of her chair casually as he leaned sideways and asked Andy if she had eaten.

One look from Frank and all conversations were cut off.

Marlo walked into parade behind Sam and hovered next to him at the back of the room. She showed no sighs of anything other than herself towards him even though she had broken off their brief relationship before it really got started.

"Talked to her yet?" Marlo whispered when Frank gave McNally and Collins a peeked look from the podium.

"Nope". Sam whispered back.

"Why not?".

Sam turned to face Marlo, his face stoic as he just looked at her.

"Just asking" she shrugged and focused her attention back to the front of the room.

Andy could feel someone watching her, but she had no idea who it was. She became so uncomfortable that she started squirming in her chair.

Sam couldn't help himself, it was something he just did, watch her.

He noticed her move around, so she probably knew he was doing it. Collins put his hand on Andy's shoulder and said something into her ear, Andy answering back very briefly.

Without warning Collins turned around in his chair and gave Sam a dirty look.

Sam was looking in their direction, so Collins caught him watching them, his arm tugging Andy a fraction closer while he still glared at Sam.

Sam broke their stare down first by casting his eyes to the floor as he pushed off the back wall and walked around Marlo and out of the parade room in the middle of Franks briefing.

He wasn't about to step on any toes, and if that meant that he had to back off, then he would.

Life was complicated enough without adding a little more oxygen to a burning fire.

Oliver found Sam at his desk filling in reports when parade was over.

He didn't say a word, just walked in, sat down, and waited.

Sam would eventually snap and say something.

But Sam knew what he was doing, so he kept quiet and carried on filling out his report.

"You're still getting to him". Nick mumbled as they climbed into the squad car ready to go on patrol.

He was letting Andy drive, figured keeping her busy would keep her mind away from straying too far over the edge.

As soon as she sat down she whipped around to stare at him.

It wasn't hard to see the barrage of thoughts running through her mind right now.

"What? You are. Did you see him in parade. It got so bad he walked out".

"Don't even go there okay. I'm not the reason he left parade. You staring at him probably was".

Nick looked away guiltily, she was probably right, but he saw the way that Swarek was watching her.

"So what happened with Gail?". He still hadn't filled her in on any details.

"She punched me in the face". Even though Andy didn't expect him to say that, she couldn't help but let out a laugh. That was so like Gail.

Andy frowned when she saw Nick's smile, it looked so...dreamy?

"Yup she just totally pushed me away when I kissed her, then she punched me, then she kissed me again".

Andy tried not to feel a pang of wistfulness sweep over her, she wanted that too, but knew it would never happen.

"She's coming over for dinner". Nick added.

"That's great. Do not screw this up!". Andy said as she started the ignition.

"So, brother what's up?". Oliver finally caved and broke the silence.

"Nothing". Sam's reply was dry, he really didn't want to get into this now. Or ever actually.

"Sure?".

Sam had the urge to roll his eyes at Oliver's persistence. Sometimes it was just too much. Like right now.

"Sammy, I'm just asking because she's getting to you and it's time you get your head out your ass and fix this". Oliver virtually yelled as he abruptly stood up.

It was the first time Sam had seen him lose his cool, well second if you count the guy he nearly shot because he hurt Izzy.

"Ollie..."

"Don't Sam. You have the chance to fix it, but you're hiding behind Marlo and you're hiding from the truth. Look at the three of us, You, Me and Jerry. He finally got it and he never got the chance, I lost it because I couldn't take off the uniform, and now you have it right here, but you're too scared to take it".

Sam's mouth dropped open, he had no idea that, that was how Oliver felt.

"It's not as easy as it sounds Oliver". Sam attempted to counter his arguments with one of his own.

"Well then explain it to me, 'cos all I see is you taking the easy way out".

Oliver left Sam's office, Sam's mind flipping into a total blank as he watched his friend walk away.

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	7. Tapping The Bar

**Thanks for all the amazing reviews & follows. **

**Thanks to the regulars, kelly2727 & the newbies for lighting up my email inbox. **

**Chapter 7- Tapping the Bar. **

Sam was milling over Oliver's words as he stared at the whiskey as it sloshed against the side of the glass, when he picked it up to take a sip.

Traci eyed Sam from across the room, he just seemed so far from the strong person he was before Andy came back.

The Penny was busy, one of the older uniformed cops was retiring, so they were all down for drinks as was expected.

Andy still had to arrive, but pretty much everyone else was here already.

Andy had been back on shift for five weeks and life had seemed to move on since her return. Traci found her smiling more, and a little less tense whenever Sam was in the same room.

She had heard the rumors that Sam and Marlo had split, but kept the information to herself and didn't pry whenever she crossed paths with Sam.

Nick and Gail were wrapped up in each other across the table, they too finding some kind of common ground since he had come back. And that was after Traci had to listen to Gail say that she would never give Nick another chance, everyday for six months.

Denise came down for the weekend to see Chris, so she was here too, but they would be leaving soon. A cop bar wasn't a place for a kid, so Chris stopped by to pay his respects and then they were heading out for some family time.

The door of the Penny swung open and Andy rushed in, a light glow on her cheeks as she took up residence in an empty chair next to Traci. Traci arched an eyebrow at Andy's flustered appearance.

"Did I miss anything?".

"Nothing important" Traci said holding a beer out for Andy.

Andy smiled and visibly relaxed.

"Something I need to know?".

Andy shook her head in reply, this was something Traci would have to wait and see.

"Andy spill!". She knew Andy was hiding something.

"What? I don't know anything". Andy sassed back.

Sam didn't miss the look on Andy's face when she came through the door, her eyes scanned the room until they settled on the back of Collins' head.

She seemed to look relieved when she sat down and glanced his way before looking at her beer.

She had been back in uniform for five weeks and over that time frame he just didn't find it in himself to go anywhere near her.

And judging by her reluctance to come anywhere near him, he didn't think that they were ever going to get over the gap between them. As the saying went- The bridges that you've burned, always come back to haunt you.

Oliver was sitting next to him causally glancing at him as he tried to subtly eye Andy, but Oliver knew he would when she arrived, because he always did it.

"She know yet?". Oliver said following Sam's line of vision.

"Know what?".

"You and Marlo?".

"There's nothing to know". Sam said dryly.

"That's my point". Oliver had his eyebrow raised, he was really going to do this now.

"Why are you so into setting me up with McNally? We've been there, it didn't work, so it won't work next time...". Sam cut his words off, the hair on the back of his neck standing up on end as a shiver ran through him. He knew that if he looked over his shoulder; she would be standing right there, and had probably heard every word he had just said.

So he didn't turn around, he just kept facing the back of the bar.

"I'm just gonna...". Oliver nodded towards the men's room and slid off his chair, leaving a wide gap for her to step into next to Sam.

"Rough day huh?". Andy said as she sat down on Oliver's chair, her head turned in the same direction Sam's was.

"Something like that". Sam said turning to face her, it really was too rude not to look at her when actually speaking to her.

Just as Andy opened her mouth to reply someone screamed, followed by a shriek and a few whistles.

Andy had a pleased look cross her face at the sound of commotion, Sam leaning back to seek out the source.

"Nick proposed to Gail". Andy clarified without having to look, she had been clued in this morning when she found Nick outside her front door a nervous mess.

It was still a little dark and he had dragged her downstairs to watch the sunrise.

After half an hour of standing next to her, he stepped in front of her and said "You love me right?"

Andy had nodded, she really did - he was like the brother she never had.

"So tell me that this is the right thing to do". He had said seconds later, his hand holding out a tiny velvet box.

Sam felt guilty hearing her say the words, he'd spent hours wondering if they had a thing when they were under, and again when they came back.

Collins and Andy were close, really close, and he was struggling to find a label to put on the relationship he saw them have. It was driving him crazy not knowing.

Then there was now.

Realizing that he spent hours of time wasted on thoughts of something that wasn't even there.

Sam leaned back again trying to get a better look at what was going on to find Peck staring down at Collins who was still down on one knee in the middle of the Penny. She hadn't answered him yet, and he obviously wasn't about to get up until she did.

Andy spun around to find Gail looking up in her direction, her eyes wide. It was as though Gail was asking Andy's permission? Or looking for reassurance?

Andy had no idea, but smiled widely at Gail before nodding. She would have to clear up that questioning look up with Gail later.

Andy watched Gail bend down and whisper something in Nick's ear before she stood back up. Nick shook his head, before saying something that everyone standing close to them could hear.

This time Gail shook her head, before turning a ridiculous shade of red. Andy let out a loud giggle, Gail always had to do things the difficult way, but this time, Nick wasn't giving up.

Andy watched as Gail nodded, ever so slightly. The timid action made Nick stand up in one fluid motion before picking Gail up and swinging her around as a round of cheers echoed through the room.

Sam was watching Andy, watching Peck and Collins. She had the most contented look on her face, like the scene unfolding made her happy.

For those few seconds, Sam saw the Andy that he first met. The one with the free spirit, the one that had never experienced the heartache that this Andy had.

Her hand moved to swipe stray strands of hair out of her face before she whirled around to catch him staring at her.

But in that moment he just didn't care.

He didn't try and hide the fact, didn't look past her, or away. He just kept looking right at her. Like he was seeing her for the first time.

Sam's stare unnerved Andy.

It felt like he was looking through her.

It wasn't the creepy kind, or the pointed stare he gave so well, it was different.

Feeling the intensity of it made her break eye contact first, her head leaning forwards to let her eyes settle on the beer bottle that she was strangling in her lap.

"I've got to...". She looked back up, one hand motioning toward Peck and Collins, so Sam nodded.

He didn't say a word, didn't smile, didn't even smirk. He just nodded absent-mindedly.

Andy stood up and walked away, Sam wondering what the hell had just happened.

He watched her slink up to Peck who enveloped her in a hug before she let go and Collins did the same.

"That went well". Nash said leaning against the bar next to him. He hadn't even noticed her presence until she spoke.

"You know, the whole 'Let's actually get acquainted' thing'".

Sam still didn't have the ability to say anything, so he let his eyebrows rise instead.

"Oh you know, you guys are totally avoiding each other, but not as subtly as you think". Nash added, turning to watch Andy with Gail and Nick as someone handed out tequila.

"She is so going to hate herself tomorrow". Nash added to her one sided conversation.

"Why?". Sam assumed it would be because Andy had come over too him.

"Because she's had three beers, a glass of wine, and that's the fourth tequila. She doesn't drink anymore".

Oh great, now Andy only came over here because she was getting loaded. Not what he had in mind when he thought she was attempting to bridge the gap.

"I was wrong you know". Nash said looking squarely at Sam.

"I told Oliver that I didn't think you guys were meant to be together".

That just sounded so wrong!

"Still think so?". Sam said trying not to chew Nash's head off with his reply. She was just looking out for Andy, and him- in a way.

His gaze swooped over to settle on Andy across the room as she had another shot of something pink with Epstein, Peck and Collins.

"No I don't. That's why I'm telling you what I said". Nash looked remorseful as Sam looked back at her.

"I was just looking out for her". She sounded like a lost child now, and Sam really wasn't mad at her. He respected the fact that she was looking out for Andy, and that she had told him the truth. It took a lot of guts to tell him something like that, and face the risk of Swarek wrath if he freaked out.

"I get it". And he really did.

"No more please" Andy groaned as Nick handed her another cherry sours. She was way past her intake level and he just kept feeding her shots.

"Last one". He said as Gail pulled a face, she hated sours. But she was drinking them tonight without much protest.

"Aaarrrggg, I'm going to hate you, and me in the morning".

Andy mumbled as she reached out to take the little glass from Nick.

They clinked the classes together before swallowing the shots back, and slamming the glasses down on the table with three loud thuds.

It was something they had always done, Nick catching on when he joined their division.

The taps on the counter or table top stood for- one for me, one for you, and one for those that can't be with us, although it seemed to stick as one for Jerry, lately.

As Andy's hand pulled away from the tiny glass, she glanced up to find Sam still staring at her openly.

Only this time he was scowling at her like she was in deep trouble.

"Wow, that's harsh". Gail said as she looked up to see Swarek looking at Andy like he was ready to flip his lid. Like literally.

Andy's attention turned to Gail, who was giving Sam an evil look of her own as she tugged on Andy's hand and pulled her towards the bar, away from Sam's side.

"He is so...Swarek some times". Gail mumbled after ordering another two beers and tequila's. She was so over doing anything other than tequila right now.

Andy had the urge to laugh at Gail's lucid description, she was sure that it could have been way better than that.

"So you... What's stopping you, 'cos I just don't get it. All this intensity, and heat and then just nothing?". Gail turned to face Andy with a serious look.

"Really? You want to talk about this now?".

"Hey, they say that sober truths come out of drunk mouths, so we're all just trying to get you drunk" Gail giggled as she held out the shot glass.

Andy let her fingers wrap around the glass as she took it, giving one last look in Sam's direction before slamming back the shot.

Sam couldn't handle watching her try and loose herself at the bottom of a glass, so he stopped watching. Oliver was back in his seat to his right, but didn't say a word in the three minutes he had been sitting there.

With one last look at Andy as she drank yet another shot with Peck, Sam let out a frustrated sigh before standing up and pushing through the crowd in search of Collins.

Finding him with Nash, Sam didn't wait for a polite entry into the conversation, he just jumped right in and cleared his throat to get an invitation to talk.

Both sets of eyes faced him, so he gruffed out what he had come over here to say. "Someone needs to cut McNally off before she regrets this in the morning".

Collins nodded, and Nash smiled like she hit the jackpot.

Sam back peddled, moving away from them before disappearing into the crowd as he made his way for the door.

"He's right". Nash said to Nick, her way of saying that it was all on him to go tell her that.

"Oh no, not me". Nick said holding up his hands. McNally could be difficult when she didn't want to stop.

He had to deal with that their first week into Dakota, she just completely lost herself one night, and he had to throw her over his shoulder and carry her out of a dive bar kicking and screaming that she wasn't Gail.

He didn't want to go there again.

"You suck as backup, you know that right?".

Nick shrugged as Traci got up and made her way over to Andy and Gail.

Gail saw Nick milling around alone, so she left Andy and passed Traci as she made her way to slip in between them.

"How does home sound?".

"Home? No way! Let's have one more?".

Traci shook her head, before frowning as Andy turned to order two more.

"No Andy..."

"You're NOT cutting me off, besides I'm behaving".

Traci shook her head, "Andy, I didn't cut you off, Sam did". Her tone was very serious, so Andy spun around to find Sam and let him have it.

He had no right to cut her off, no say in her life, and no need to try and spoil her night.

Her eyes scanned the room but came up empty.

He had left.

Again.

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	8. Stay Away

Thanks as always for all the reviews, alerts & follows!

Don't own Rihanna's Song Stay, I just kinda borrowed it fot this chapter!

Chapter 8- Stay Away

The world was still spinning when she opened her eyes. Her hand reached out above her head and rested on the headboard just for a moment to stop the spinning.

Then the sickening pain slammed into her head as she let out a groan and jammed her eyes closed.

She was so never drinking again!

Andy dragged herself out of bed and stammered into the shower before racing out the door. If Traci hadn't called her, she would be so late.

She made it to the barn with little time to spare before parade, so she stormed through the building and headed straight for the locker room.

When she opened the door to her locker, a small smile graced her lips. There on the top shelf was the best hangover cure- cranberry juice.

Sam slumped against the wall at the back of the room, his attention trying to focus on Frank as he spoke, but his eyes kept grazing over the back of Andy's head.

She was definitely feeling the effects of last night.

She was slouching in her chair, her hand holding her head up under her chin. Her hair was in a messy bun telling him that she had just made it on time to parade.

He left a cranberry juice in her locker hoping the day wouldn't be too tough on her, he knew the feeling of having a hangover combined with a slow day.

Frank dismissed them, Andy swiveled in her chair to find Sam and thank him for the juice, but he was already gone.

He had a damned bad habit of doing that.

Sam felt his phone jump around in his pocket as he stepped out into the fresh air.

Reaching for it he couldn't help but smile at the simple two words that danced over the screen after her name flashed and he opened the text icon.

'Thank you'.

Even now, he didn't have the inclination to wipe her name and number from his phone memory. It stayed there, attached to the speed dial.

Even if he erased it, he knew it off by heart, so it wouldn't erase her.

Or them.

Or their history.

Andy hit send before she changed her mind, it was so much simpler to do this; than to face him and say the words. Especially not knowing what she'd face if she stood in front of him.

"Two weeks!". Traci yelled it out as Andy closed her locker door.

"Yeah, what's wrong with two weeks?".

"Andy, please tell Gail that she can not get married in two weeks, she's only been engaged for twenty-four hours".

Andy giggled, Gail was really trying to make sure that Nick didn't run away again.

"The next available date is eight months from now. I can't wait eight months to do this". Gail sighed as she slumped back and leaned against the lockers.

"Seriously?".

Gail nodded looking a little sad.

"I've always wanted to get married at Le Morgan, and I can't do that a year from now. It's now or never".

"Okay, but how are you going to do it in two weeks?".

"I ...um... Called my mom this morning".

Traci rolled her eyes and Andy let out a giggle. Gail was actually going to go through with this. She would be forced to if Superintendent Peck was planning her big day.

"Oooookay". Traci said, Gail finally finding her smile.

"Yeah, I should probably go tell Nick". She said biting her lip as she pushed off the lockers.

Andy left the locker room happy to put the day behind her.

Andy had been on desk, probably because everyone had seen her last night, and saw her hangover this morning from a mile away.

But she was glad she had been kept off the streets, today she would have caused complete chaos or totally screwed up if she was let loose.

As Sam watched Andy leave the barn, he felt like history was repeating itself way too many times.

It was all either one of them did- walk away.

The next two weeks sped by, arrangement for Gail's wedding taking up every second of free time any of them had.

Traci and Andy were bridesmaids, and Nick had joked about stealing Andy to be his 'best-girl' seeing as she was female. Gail thought the idea was cute but refused to let him have her, so he would be having one of his friends from his platoon in Afghanistan and his brother instead.

Invitations were handed out, and RSVP's received, all that was left was to have the actual wedding.

Gail went with a shimmering navy blue and silver, so Andy wore a long blue dress, and Traci a silver one.

Vows were said, and photos taken, the service being kept short because some of the uniforms were due on duty soon.

During the ceremony Andy could feel every set of eyes in the church move over her, she didn't need to turn around to see everyone watching her and waiting for her to trip over her dresses hem.

Lucky for her, it never happened.

The reception hall of Le Morgan was perfect. Every last detail breathtaking and donned to perfection.

Andy and Traci sipped champagne while waiting for the speeches to finish.

Gail's dad was up first, followed by her brother Steve.

Traci was asked to give one too, but never told Andy, so when she was called up, Andy nearly choked on the sip she had just taken.

Traci reached the small podium set up just to the left of the bridal table and managed a weak smile as she stammered out a soft "Hi" accompanied with a small wave.

"I'm Traci Nash, some of you may know me as Detective Nash from Fifteen, but today I'm just Traci, Gail's friend.

I met Gail at the academy, and from there on out, we've never looked back.

Over the last few years, we've gone through some pretty tough times, but if there is someone you can depend on, Gail is definitely at the top of the list". Traci seemed to glance from Gail, to Andy to Sam when she said that.

"She always seems so demanding and so scccaaaarrry right Nick? But deep down, she's just like anyone else in this room, warm, incredible, and one hell of a runner when she's chasing some moron down the street".

That seemed to draw quite a few laughs from the crowd.

"So today, I wish Nick the best of luck, because you're gonna need it, and I wish Gail a long and happy life for getting it right".

Traci lifted her champagne up as she proposed a toast, but her gaze seemed to stick to Sam, who was drowning in staring at Andy.

"You could have told me". Andy whispered as Traci took her seat next to her.

"And spoil the surprise?".

Dinner was served and soon soft music turned a little louder as the lights were dimmed.

The DJ announced that Nick and Gail were going to open the dance floor as they stepped out into the sparkling lights amidst a hum of 'ooh's' and 'aah's'.

They swept across the floor, the slow strains of music filing the room.

When the second song started a few more bodies filed onto the floor, couples taking the time to enjoy the music.

Luke appeared out of nowhere, his hand wrapping around Andy's as he intended on tugging her to her feet.

"Go". Traci nudged her, things with Luke were much better now, Andy had forgiven him, but she would never let him get that close again.

Andy sighed as she got to her feet and allowed Luke to drag her out onto the dance floor.

Halfway through the song, Nick cut in, spinning Andy around as Luke held his hand out for Gail.

"You're not smiling". Nick whispered as they started floating around the floor.

Andy flashed a bright smile, a genuine smile. One that said she was truly happy for Nick and Gail.

"You know he's been watching you the whole time right?".

"Enough with that Nick. It's so not going to happen". Nick twirled Andy around and let go of her hand just as the song changed.

And there stood Sam.

She was so not happy right now.

Sam held out his hand, his way of asking Andy to dance.

But she shook her head from side to side, and she wanted to walk away, but her feet seemed glued to where she was standing.

So Sam bent down and took her hand in his, leading her into the mass of bodies that crowded the floor.

Soft piano notes filled the air before Andy heard Rihanna's voice.

_All along it was a fever_

_A cold sweat hot-headed believer_

_I threw my hands in the air and said, "Show me something,"_

_He said, "If you dare come a little closer."_

_Round and around and around and around we go_

_Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know_

_Not really sure how to feel about it._

Sam had no clue what he was doing, but he just couldn't resist.

Given the opportunity to be this close to her, when she looked breathtaking, was so tempting that he gave in before he even realized what he was doing. He had been standing at the edge of the dance floor watching Andy and Collins dance, not oblivious to the fact that Collins was watching him watching them.

Andy was tense and withdrawn, she couldn't even look up at him as they began moving around the floor with slow steps.

Andy huffed out a breath and resisted the urge to roll her eyes at their first actual dance being to a slow song titled _'Stay'. _

The implications in that word was what led them to where they were now, because he had asked her to stay when she asked him too.

Sam pulled Andy even closer when she let out the heavy breath, he really didn't want her to hate him for this moment.

_Something in the way you move_

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you._

_It takes me all the way._

_I want you to stay_

_It's not much of a life you're living_

_It's not just something you take __–__ it's given_

_Round and around and around and around we go_

_Oh now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know_

_Not really sure how to feel about it._

_Something in the way you move_

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you._

_It takes me all the way._

_I want you to stay._

Lost in her scent Sam's mind drifted to memories of her being this close before. From the time he had pushed her away, he had felt the longing to hold her this close.

Pulling away slightly Sam looked down at Andy, his movement making her look up through her lashes.

She was so close, Sam could just...

_Ooh the reason I hold on_

_Ooh cause I need this hole gone_

_Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving_

_Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving_

_Not really sure how to feel about it._

_Something in the way you move_

_Makes me feel like I can't live without you._

_It takes me all the way._

_I want you to stay, stay._

_I want you to stay, oh. _

The second his thoughts crusaded through his mind, his face inched a fraction closer, every intention of letting his lips find hers.

She saw it coming, so she stepped back abruptly, a whimper escaping her lips as she tugged her hand free of his as he held it to his shoulder.

Her eyes were wide as she clenched her teeth over her bottom lip before shaking her head and slipping away to be lost in the crowd.

As soon as she moved away Sam regretting being a stupid jerk all over again.

He saw the confusion and hurt run over her face as her bottom lip began to tremble before she locked it between her teeth to stop the ensuing tears from falling because he had seen those well in her eyes too, they had shimmered in the multi colored lights that flickered across the room.

Sam dodged the bodies blocking his route after Andy, as he gave chase. He managed to find her head bobbing up and down as she sped towards the back of the hall and out the door.

She had taken the first exit that she could find, and that just happened to lead out onto the balcony that spanned the entire right side of the building. Seeing as they were upstairs, Sam knew that if she went out there, she couldn't go anywhere but back inside.

He found her leaning with her elbows on the edge of the stone wall that made up the railing that ran around the edge of the balcony.

She was looking out over the edge, whatever had capture her attention held on to it, just like she had him captivated.

Sam stopped a few feet away, but she seemed oblivious to his presence, or she didn't want to recognize the fact that he had chased after her.

"I'm sorry". He said when he was close enough, Andy visibly tensing at the sound of his voice.

"Andy..."

"Don't okay". Andy said as she faced him.

"I shouldn't have...". But I couldn't help myself? Yeah that would sound so super awesome.

"You're right Sam. You _can't_ make me that girl". Andy hissed out as she moved past him.

His hand on her arm stopped her, the warmth igniting a rush of heat up her skin.

She looked between his hand and his face, willing him to take possession of his hand back.

"I wouldn't do that".

"Sam, you nearly kissed me, how isn't that making me that girl?".

Oh right, that made sense. She didn't know that he wasn't seeing Marlo anymore.

"We're not... I'm not. Marlo ...".

Why was it so hard to say the words to Andy?

Why couldn't he just say I'm not seeing Marlo anymore? He had said the words to other people, but he just couldn't face telling Andy.

"It doesn't matter anymore Sam". Andy pulled her arm free of Sam's soft grasp before walking back in the direction she had just come from.

Sam kept his distance for the rest of the night.

Andy kept him in her line of vision for the rest of the night. She kept looking over her shoulder, following his every movement.

He should have guessed that since Marlo was here, and he was here, and they were seated together, that it would be seen as they were here 'together' when they actually weren't.

The days that followed were spent much the same as the rest of the night of the wedding.

In avoidance.

If Sam was in a room and Andy came in, one of them left.

The only reason that Sam was giving her space was because he could see that his simple intrusion of temptation was breaking her, she was having a hard time keeping it together.

So he backed off.

It was hard, to stay away, but it was harder to hurt her anymore.

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	9. I Pushed, We Fell

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**Chapter 9 - I Pushed, We Fell. **

"Hey Andy, got a minute?". Traci called out as she saw Andy bolting for the door after their shift.

"Sure".

"We need to talk, but not here, let's go to your place". Traci said looking towards the door.

"Leo gonna be okay?".

"Yeah, he's with the sitter".

Ten minutes later Traci pulled up in front of Andy's condo, her face slightly depressing.

Andy poured them each a glass of wine and they sat down, Andy's nerves on edge because of Traci's seriousness.

"Promise you'll let me say everything before you freak out?".

"Trace, you're scaring me".

"No, it's not bad, it's good, really good. But you need to let me finish okay?".

Andy nodded, feeling a little less stressed out and waited for Traci to start whatever she wanted to say.

"Haven't you like, ever wondered how we found you and Nick at the end of Dakota?".

"No, I mean I always assumed that Nick got to a phone and called you".

"No. Well you know I was manning the wire right?".

She waited for confirmation before continuing.

"Well you see, the thing is... Sam was there the whole time too, and he's the one that figured out you were in trouble.

Jared wouldn't let us send anyone in, so Sam left against orders and went looking for you while I tried at the barn".

_Okay,_ this was news.

"Sam wasn't even supposed to know that we were talking, but he walked in on a conversation and just kept coming back for every call after that.

Do you remember waking up, you know before I got there?".

"Yup, Noelle and Oliver were there".

Okay, Traci wasn't making sense.

Traci had listened to Andy freak out over Sam trying to kiss her at the wedding. It really made her unravel.

This morning Sam seemed so lost in his own world that Traci had finally sat down at his desk, across from him and said _"Wanna tell me what you're trying to do?"_.

Of course he had acted innocent and said nothing, until she had told him that seeing him with Marlo had wounded Andy, and that him trying to kiss her while she thought he was still seeing Marlo, that was just the stupidest thing she had ever seen him do.

She went on to tell him that everyone around the barn had a silent agreememt- No meddling with Swarek and McNally, they had to figure it out on their own.

Nobody wanted to interfere, not even to tell Andy that he wasn't seeing Marlo anymore bacause it was up to him to tell her; up to him to chase what he so clearly wanted. And it was up to him to put up the fight he should have in the past.

There had been many factors leading up to their breakup, so everyone decided that they would leave it alone, let them find each other like they had the first time around.

Traci had slammed her hand down on his table at one point and told him that he needed to make up his mind about what he wanted, so that he could stop screwing with Andy, and then she asked him if he even knew what he wanted anymore.

His reply had been a shock because he was never very open, and didn't really let anything out of his mouth unless he wanted you to hear it. So when he said, _"I want her, I want Andy back" _Traci felt like something was finally going to give.

"No Andy, it was Sam. He found you. He stopped Roger from shooting Nick, then he found you in the bedroom, tied up on the floor with Darrin, unconscious".

_Wow. _

That she couldn't remember.

"Darrin jumped out a window, and Sam gave chase. Darin pulled a gun on Sam, but Sam fired first. It's the second time that Sam's made a kill shot, the last one was when Oliver was a hostage and they were in the academy".

Traci had set her brain on fire.

Vivid images becoming clearer as she saw the hazy images of Sam hovering over her, calling her name.

She really thought it had been a dream, or her imagination.

"He wasn't there when I really woke up". Andy stammered out.

"He went back to check on you, and called it in while he untied you and checked on Nick. He was with the body when we all arrived".

"Look, all I'm saying is Sam never gave up on you, never doubted that you could do the job. He was always there, watching out for you, so please, just give him a little leeway".

Even though Traci had agreed that not interfearing was for the best; it just wasn't working out well. For Sam or for Andy, or for her having to watch them keep missing each other from afar. It was killing her that they were so close together, and yet so far away.

"Huh?".

Andy's mind was a blank, a black hole that couldn't even form a coherent thought.

"I thought you knew the whole time, that's why I didn't say anything. But I kinda read your statement this morning, because I was starting to doubt that you knew. Do you understand what I'm saying here?".

Nope, she didn't have the faintest idea, so she shook her head.

"Andy, Sam was barred from anything to do with you or Dakota, but he didn't stay away because he couldn't. He risked his career, his badge to find you and he didn't give a damn about what happened to him, he only wanted to find you, because he knew something was wrong.

Luke and Frank let it go because he was right, and he got you guys out when it didn't look like that was going to happen".

"Wait, what!". Now that made a whole lot of sense, Traci's words making her chest constrict painfully.

"Why would he do that?".

"I have no idea, I was hoping you'd ask him that".

After Traci left Andy's mind ran away with her, but she wasn't overthinking everything, she was assessing it. Yet again.

Nothing made sense, everything just turning into more and more intricate webs.

With minimal sleep, Andy decided that the only way she would solve anything was by actually going to the source, and that meant talking to Sam.

So now she found herself loitering outside the men's locker room waiting for Sam to emerge. She had seen him go in with Oliver, so she couldn't exactly barge in there and demand answers.

So she waited.

Oliver came out first, a huge smile lighting across his lips as he saw her push off the wall and looking really nervous.

"Night Sammy" he yelled over his shoulder before speeding away.

"McNally?". Sam stopped when he found her outside the door looking like she was ready to run. He had almost said her name, but stopped himself from letting her in any more than she was going to let him.

"Hi, can I... Um, maybe get a ride home?". As soon as the words were said, she looked away, the empty hallway fascinating.

"Yeah sure?".

Okay, that was unexpected. But welcome.

Andy led the way out to Sam's truck, her mind chanting that they would survive the drive home. She knew that caging Sam in to talk might spook him into running, so the only thing she could come up with was asking him for a ride home, and confining him in one space. That however ran the risk of him veering into oncoming traffic when he heard what she had to say.

When they pulled out of the parking lot, the interior of the truck was tense, Andy biting her lips as she tried to work up the nerve to do this.

About two blocks from her condo, Sam's restraint snapped. He couldn't take the silence anymore. She had something to say, but for some reason it was stuck in her throat.

"Say it". He eventually growled out. "Whatever you need to say, just get it all out there". He flashed the dimples, hoping to get her to do it, and lighten the mood.

"Why'd you come for me?". There she said it, and it wasn't as hard as she thought it would be.

That kind of blind sided him.

He read her statement, and nowhere in it did she mention him at all, so they left it alone because she was so out of it when he found her that they realized she probably didn't remember.

Frank and Luke had agreed to her never being told about it, because even though he got them back, he broke the rules. That was a bad example for a detective to set for the new rookies to see.

Sam searched for an answer, one that would seem real enough to be believed.

By now he had pulled up outside her condo, and switched the ignition off, silence swallowing them up.

"It doesn't matter". Was the brilliant answer he came up with.

"Sam...".

"Andy, don't okay. Let's not do this". He really didn't want to start another argument with her. He was still recovering from the last one.

"I am sorry. For everything". Andy whispered as her hand reached for the door handle.

He let his hand slip down and push the button on the remote for the central locking to the truck, the doors locking loudly as the locks clicked into place.

If that was where this conversation was heading, then he was ready to have it.

"I should have backed off and I didn't, I'm sorry. You needed space and I ended up smothering you".

Sam turned in his seat to face her, his jaw tensing at hearing what she really thought.

"You didn't".

"I did. And I pushed when I shouldn't have". Andy looked away, her gaze falling out the window. She never had the intention of having this conversation right now.

"Andy, I pushed and we fell, that was my mistake not yours".

Andy turned back to face Sam, her eyes glassy as she let his words replay in her mind.

"Sam, you broke my heart".

That made Sam look away. He didn't need her to tell him that, he saw it in her eyes every single time she looked at him.

"I never meant too".

He said as he turned back to face her.

It was Andy's turn to look down this time, to hide just how crappy and hurtful reliving this was.

"I... I didn't remember you being there, and I only found out about it today. Then it sort of came back. I just don't get why you would risk your badge to find me Sam".

"Well, you got me back". Sam said focusing on her eyes as he spoke, waiting to see her reaction to his answer with his reference to her finding him when Brennan took him.

Andy nodded, but her eyes stayed empty. They were dead, no flash of fire, no smile that always danced in them. Just nothing.

Then the sadness pulsed through them, Sam suddenly taken back by how much hurt he had once again just let her feel.

"Yeah, I did. Thanks for the ride Sam". Andy pulled on the door handle twice, unlocking her door even though the locks were on.

Sam just sat there, watching her get out, his mind screaming for him to follow her.

But he couldn't, he was rooted to the spot.

This whole time, he had never expected it to still be there. Not after what he had done to her.

But the sadness that filled her eyes moments ago, that was fresh. New emotions caused by the words he had just uttered, it didn't linger there from the past.

It was the look of someone having their heart broken.

Sam's hand reached for his own door handle before his mind even processed his actions.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Sam stopped outside her door before knocking.

This was ending. Now.

When Andy opened the door, Sam saw the undeniable devastation written on her face.

"You should know by now that no matter what happens I'd come for you".

"Sam...".

"Don't. I made a mistake Andy, one I would do anything to take back".

He was still standing in her doorway, but he had no intention of coming or going until she understood. Completely.

"I did the only thing I knew how to do, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away".

"Why did you?".

"Because after what happened to Jerry, the only thing I could think about was, what if it had been you? Or me? I can't keep you safe Andy, I can't protect you. If someone else isn't going to hurt you, I know I can, I've seen it, and I don't want too. So letting you go was my way of protecting you, from me".

Andy stepped backwards, her mind in denial of what Sam had just said.

Sam made himself sound like a monster.

"Sam...".

"That was my biggest mistake, because it hurt you anyway".

Sam inched inside the doorway, Andy putting too much space between them.

Andy had yet to say anything other than his name, but he wasn't waiting for an answer, he was here to give them.

"I've made a lot of mistakes, I didn't tell you how I feel sooner, and when I did it was just all wrong. But if anything happened I needed you to know. And I didn't talk enough, say what I should have. You were never a mistake. We weren't a mistake. Letting you go was a mistake".

Andy's eyes widened. When had Sam become the talkative one, and her the silent one?

"Marlo was a distraction. But I swear I never touched her".

That made Andy gasp softly, she didn't expect that.

"It... Wasn't what I wanted, who I wanted".

Sam hoped that she would believe him, because it was the honest truth. And he knew that her and Collins hadn't done anything, Andy wasn't like that. He had only allowed his mind to entertain the thoughts because he was jealous.

Jealous that Collins was with her, when he so badly wanted too be.

"I didn't run Sam".

Finally she said something. Answering a question that he probably had written all over his face right now.

He wanted to know why she left.

"I left because you said you love me back and that scared me. I left to understand you, and to prove that I can do this job, prove it to you... And me. Because I still feel responsible for Jerry, because I was wrong, and that's something that's never going to go away".

Her words stung Sam, cut him really deeply. It made it even worse when she dropped her face to hide the string of tears that he knew were breaking free.

She left because she doubted herself, her ability to do her job because she blamed herself for Jerry's death.

"Andy, it wasn't your fault. I never blamed you, and neither does Nash or anyone close to Jerry". That was such a burden for her to bare.

Sam had the sudden urge to be closer to her, so he reached out slowly and lifted her dropped chin so that she would at least look at him.

"But I blame me".

"No, Sweetheart, please don't".

Andy's eyes flooded with a fresh batch of tears, his first ever endearment slipping out at an inappropriate time.

His heart was breaking for her, for them, for Jerry.

She was just that kind of person, the one that shouldered the blame because they loved so unconditionally.

"Come with me?". Sam's own voice was filled with so much emotion that his words wavered.

He held out his free hand, hoping she'd take it.

He needed to show her something.

Andy nodded, her hand swiping away a stray tear before coming to rest in his.

A while later Sam stopped outside the cemetery gates, Andy's face flooded with panic.

"Trust me?".

Andy nodded, and followed Sam when he climbed out.

It was a little after seven-thirty, and the gates were still open, a few cars scattered in the parking lot.

Sam took hold of her hand and led her towards where she knew Jerry's grave was.

They stopped as Andy focused on the two figures side by side next to Jerry's grave.

"We come out here every Tuesday and Thursday with Leo. Sometimes over a weekend. We each bring him out here and visit. On my days we go get ice-cream or watch movies until he falls asleep and then I take him home".

Andy was lost in the sight of Traci and Leo at Jerry's grave, Leo was explaining something and gesturing wildly with his hands, Traci was laughing, her head thrown back as she surrendered to the moment.

Wait, the sitter. It was Sam?

The night Andy went for a drink with Traci was a Thursday.

"I don't want to disturb them". Andy whispered before turning away, Sam's hand slipping out of hers as she walked back towards his truck.

Sam drove them back to Andy's a less awkward silence between them now.

He pulled over and kept the engine running, unsure if she would let him in or carry on with any more of this conversation.

Andy's hand swept out and turned the key, killing the ignition. She obviously wasn't done with what she needed to say.

"I made so many mistakes with us too Sam, some of them unforgivable.

When Nick and I first left I thought I was running, but after a while I realized that I was trying to prove myself. Because of what happened.

A week in, I was still having nightmares so I wasn't getting much sleep. We met up with our markers, and went to a dive bar across town.

And I started drinking.

After a while Darrin called me over to the bar, Nick went to the men's room, and there on the bar counter were three lines of coke. Out in the open.

Worst part about it was, I actually wanted to do the line. I don't know if it was because I wanted the experience, or the escape or the way in, but I actually leaned over it when Nick came back and flipped his lid.

He told them that he just got me clean because I was an expensive habit to keep up, so he took the line instead.

The whole time I just kept thinking 'What would Sam say?' first because I wanted it, then because I let Nick do it instead.

I got so wasted after that, that Nick had to drag me home over his shoulder, and the next day we just stayed in bed. He was so sick, but I was in worse shape because I finally just snapped".

Andy looked away as she spoke, she wasn't prepared to see Sam look at his with disgust.

"Five times". Sam whispered, Andy looking at him questioningly.

"The number of times I had to make the same choice under".

Hearing Andy explain a little more detail about her relationship with Collins made him understand why they were so close now.

The kind of sacrifice Collins made to keep his partner safe.

It sounded like he made the right decision; because Andy didn't sound like she was in the right frame of mind to deal with that.

"Can I ask you something?". Andy suddenly blurted out, just barely above a whisper.

Sam nodded, feeling like he was about to be put in the hot seat because Andy's cheeks were a pale pink tint.

"Did you miss me?".

*******Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in another awesome review!**

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	10. Close Your Eyes And Jump

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**Chapter 10 - Close Your Eyes and Jump. **

Sam should have known that once she started reaching out to him, she wasn't going to stop until she had a yes or no answer here.

"I only missed you when I was breathing". Yup, that came out as corny as possible, but it was honest. He missed her when he shouldn't have, when he didn't have the right too, and every other second. That was why he sat in on the calls, and knew something was wrong. His mind wouldn't even consider the possibility of what could have happened if he hadn't.

Andy actually smiled at that, and let out a light giggle. She found it really corny too, but he didn't mind.

"Missed you while you were still here too". Sam added, cutting Andy's giggle off.

She hadn't expected that to come out.

"It was hard while you were still here, like you were forbidden then too. When I said I love you, I meant it. I want another shot Andy, to make this work. I meant it when I said I would do whatever it takes. I just need to know that you want me too?".

Andy's smile slid off her face, her pink hue fading away as she listened to Sam talk. But he knew that telling her that was what he wanted was the right thing, that she was ready to hear it. Because he had seen the fresh stains of heartache in her eyes when he told her he came for her because she had once come for him.

She stared at him for a moment, before looking away again. She kept looking out the window, like she wanted to be somewhere else right now.

So Sam made the decision to let her think about it. She had a lot too deal with, a lot she had too think over after he just let it all out there.

He opened his door and got out, Andy's eyes following him as he walked around the front of the truck and opened her door for her.

His hand swept out towards the door, and she obeyed by stepping towards it.

She climbed the stairs and stopped outside of her door, at the end of the hallway, her hands fishing her keys out of her pocket before she slipped the right one into the lock and turned it.

Sam stood a few feet away, since the cemetery he had kept his distance and didn't touch her again, even though he really wanted too.

Her hand begged to be held, but he just didn't have it in him to hold it only to have to let it go.

"Night McNally" Sam said as she pushed the door open, Andy looking at him like he was from another planet now that he wanted to leave. But he had too, if he wanted her to really think it over.

"Night Sam". She said seconds before closing the door.

But it just felt so wrong. Being here alone, even though it was her own home.

After all that was said tonight, Andy's mind was in a flat spin, running a hundred miles an hour over everything.

Everytime Sam had spoken about his feelings, he said them in present tense, and he had re-said them too. There was never a 'I felt' or 'Loved' in there, everything was said as now. Up until this point in time.

He had told her that even though they had crashed and burned, he didn't see them as a mistake, that being with her was never a mistake. And that he left her because he didn't want to hurt her. Like he thought he was going too.

Andy paced between the front door and the couch, her mind trying to decide where to go from here.

Every word Sam had said was spoken in honesty, and reinforced with his eyes wearing something she hadn't ever thought she'd see again.

Sam left her to think about what he had said, every intention of giving her space until she decided where she wanted to go from here. She was the one that had to decide if she was willing to give him another chance, he just hoped that she felt enough to take the risk.

He descended the staircase in silence, and exited the front door of her building, the fresh air making him inhale a deep breath as soon as his feet hit the street.

He crossed the road, deciding to park across the street this time when they returned.

He hit the button on the remote to unlock the truck, the soft beep-beep filling the night air, as it unlocked.

Seconds later Sam heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Andy run across the tarmac.

"Wait". She sounded breathless, telling him that she had streaked down the hallway and stairs at high speed.

"Do you really want to do this?". She added as she finally stopped running and walked the last few steps over to him just as a car passed them, it's headlights dancing over her as she stepped out of the way and leaned against the truck next to Sam.

"Yup". Sam said looking down at Andy. "More than you know".

"Then why are you leaving?". Andy was looking up at Sam, trying to decipher his expression.

"So you can think about it".

"I don't need to think about it Sam, I ...need you to stay".

"Andy..."

"I get why you're leaving, but I don't want you too. I can't hear you say all that and let you walk away".

Andy leaned back against the truck's back door, her face dropping again as she felt her cheeks flood with embarrassment. It totally sounded like something else when she said it like that, but it wasn't what she meant.

Before she could blink, Sam lifted her face as he stood in front of her. "If I stay, I'm not leaving again. And right now, that is not where I want this to go".

Sam let her chin go and stepped back, before he did what he swore he wouldn't do again until she had done it first. Kiss and run, just wasn't his style, especially after the last time he nearly kissed her.

How could he always be so right? She knew he was.

"Okay". Andy said as she slipped out between him and the truck.

She checked the street for any traffic before crossing over the tarmac backwards, her hands out to the side as she yelled "Night Sam", this time wearing a smile.

Sam watched her walk away, his head shaking at her ability to make his resistance crumble. She just had too make it so much harder for him to leave right now.

One last look up at her window and he got into the cab of the truck, started the ignition and drove away.

Andy couldn't sleep. Her mind wouldn't quiet down enough to let her sleep.

The voices were loud, mumbling and muttering.

She had been having trouble sleeping since Sam broke up with her, it was just weird trying to sleep on her own again. Even now, months later, she was struggling to sleep.

Andy glanced at the alarm clock, midnight was approaching, and still her mind wouldn't shut off.

After Sam left she had dinner and a shower, but she was too wired to switch off.

She'd been in bed for two hours, tangling her sheets and finally she gave up.

Moving into the kitchen, Andy heard a knock on her front door, momentary panic sweeping through her. It usually wasn't a good thing if someone knocked on your door at this time of night.

Peeking through the peephole, Andy let out a long sigh before opening the door.

Sam had changed clothes and smelled like soap and cologne. He'd just gotten out of the shower.

"I want to stay". Sam said after a moment of silence, Andy's face breaking out into a smile.

He loved the fact that he could put it there.

"Just to sleep". Sam added before stepping on and closing the door.

Andy woke up to the smell of coffee and the sound of her shower running.

For the first time she woke up in a really long time felling like she had actually slept well.

Sam came out the bathroom a few minutes later, his hair dripping water as he leaned against the doorframe.

Andy jammed her eyes closed at the sight of him, this was really nice to wake up too, but Sam shirtless - that was just something she didn't want to look at right now without wanting to touch.

She let out a giggle at her own trail of thought, a sudden splatter of water hitting her in the face, followed by another and another.

Her eyes opened to find Sam standing over her shaking his head, dousing her in a shower of her own.

"Sam!". Andy tried to fend the drops off but it was futile. He had every intention of coming out the shower and waking her up like that, if he hadn't already dried his hair.

Andy scooted over the bed, so Sam sat down next to her, just watching her, without saying a word.

It really was his favorite way of waking up.

"I need to get up". Andy grumbled before jumping out of bed and racing for the bathroom.

Half an hour later she was out the shower and dressed, Sam holding out a cup of coffee when she breezed into the kitchen.

"Ready to go?". He asked a few minutes later, after she had finished her coffee.

He really wasn't sure about how she'd feel about going to work together, so he just left it hanging.

Andy nodded and raced back into her bedroom to get her duffle bag.

When they arrived at the barn, Andy got out and waited in front of the truck. Sam climbed out and lifted their bags off the back seat before walking up to Andy and waiting for her to weave between the car's.

Once they had left the car's behind and met the open area, Sam moved in next to Andy as they walked towards the doors.

After a step or two Sam felt Andy's hand bump his, seconds before her hand squirmed around and he opened his fingers to let hers rest between them.

Looking at her face, he saw the same kind of contentment he had the night that Collins had proposed to Peck. A slight smile dusting her lips.

As they took a few more steps, Sam looked down at their joined hands before stopping.

Andy stopped walking too, and turned to face him.

"You're really gonna let me do this?". Sam asked, just trying to clear up his muddled thoughts.

Andy nodded, she didn't need to say anymore.

"Andy you're going to walk through that door like this?". Sam said glancing at their hands, then looking back up at her.

Andy nodded again.

"You know what that's going to look like right?".

Yup, everyone was so going to think that they were doing a walk of shame this morning.

"I don't care". Andy whispered out, adding "Do you?".

"Nope. But they're going to talk". Sam was worried that Andy wouldn't handle more of people having something to say about her, them.

"Okay, so let's give them something to talk about". Andy stated before stepping closer and putting her free hand on Sam's cheek.

Her hand had been itching to do that for as long as she could remember.

Before Sam could respond, Andy kissed him. Like really, really kissed him.

It was soft, and sweet and passionate and just everything rolled together in one, long moment.

Sam managed to pull his hand up to the straps of their bags and drop them to the concrete. They weren't heavy, they were in the way.

Pulling her hand up to rest on his chest, like he had when they had danced, Sam felt her lean in a little closer, she didn't need to be drawn closer, she wanted to be closer.

His other hand wrapped itself up in her hair, her hand still on his cheek.

Andy pulled away first, her hand slipping over his lips to wipe off all traces of her lip gloss.

Wow, he had forgotten how intense that could be. It wasn't ever that way with anyone other than her.

Andy was staring at Sam, like she had expected some other kind of outcome, or something.

It made Sam worry just a little.

"Andy...". She couldn't regret giving him a chance already, could she?

She wasn't flustered, or happy, she wasn't smiling.

"I get it now". She said confusing Sam more than he already was.

"Get what?".

"How you feel".

Sam must have looked confused, so she explained some more.

"I felt it. Its always been there, every single time. This intensity, the connection. I was so scared that it would be gone, especially when I saw you with Marlo. I found myself doubting what I was feeling when I came home, and after what you said last night too".

She looked so guilty saying that. But Sam understood why she doubted it. She didn't know how she still felt about him, and hearing that he still felt the same way, that just confused her because she was probably trying to suppress it to stop from getting hurt anymore.

"Until that, I wasn't sure. I mean the attraction is there, but I wasn't sure that I felt more?".

She was rambling, but Sam didn't care, she needed to say this.

"I still feel it Andy, it never went away". Sam managed to say, just in case she was doubting what he felt. She needed to hear him say things more, something he hadn't done in the past that led them to where they where fighting to get back from.

"I know. That was there too". Andy said blushing a little.

Andy couldn't believe that she had ever doubted what she felt, or how Sam felt about her. Because honestly she had a few times.

"I still love you, and I don't think I ever stopped. I lied the night I left, I said I didn't care anymore, but I did - I still do, I just couldn't admit that you broke my heart and that I hadn't stopped loving you because you did".

Sam saw so many things flash through Andy's eyes, that he was having a hard time keeping up.

"But you're scared, scared to let me in, scared to love me" Sam's words came out before he could stop them.

"No! I'm only scared that one day it won't be there anymore Sam. One day I'll wake up and you're gone, or you don't feel the same way anymore...".

"Andy, I've waited my whole life to finally find someone to love. Do you think I'll let you go now, when I've finally got you back?".

"Sam, I'm scared too, because this is the real thing, and I don't know how to do this without screwing it up".

"Andy, just close your eyes and jump". Sam said pulling Andy closer, she seemed to drift away while they were talking.

He really didn't want her to start letting her doubts consume her.

It was usually the way she did things, and if the outcome would be what he wanted it be, he wouldn't mind giving her a little push over the edge if she couldn't jump on her own.

Kissing her in the parking lot wasn't something he'd ever thought about, but doing it for the second time in less than half an hour, it was definitely something he could do more often.

This time he pulled away, her doubts subsiding from her eyes a little when he peered into them.

They weren't there yet, but they were moving forwards.

****** And what do you think?**

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	11. In The End

**Thanks for all the awesome reviews to this! Really loving them. This is the final chapter on this fic, but I'll still be seeing you all over on Lie To Me. **

**Thanks to the regulars & Kelly2727! You guys are beyond awesome! **

**Chapter 11- In The End. **

Sam held Andy's hand all the way to the woman's locker room door, her fingers interlocked firmly between his.

It wasn't a possessive hold, it was one that said he wasn't planning on letting her go again.

When he had too, he let go and headed for his office, knowing that people were staring because he was wearing a really goofy grin.

Andy left the locker room and headed for parade, but stopped when she saw Luke's head bobbing around in his office.

She knocked lightly on the door, a warm smile on Luke's lips when he looked up.

"You're leaving?". She noticed him packing up a few items into a cardboard box.

"Yup". His reply was dry, but at least this time she could say goodbye.

"Where too?".

"Boston". He chuckled out the answer.

"Seriously?".

Luke nodded as he put something into the box.

"I just wanted to say thanks, you know for what you did for Sam".

She knew that he had grounds to chase after Sam's badge when Sam disobeyed orders and lingered in the background of her UC, and when he came for her.

"He was right Andy". Like saying that would make Sam's disregard for the rules disappear.

"But you didn't have too".

"Andy, I figured you guys could use a break too. He was right, he got you guys out in time. If he didn't break the rules, we wouldn't be having this conversation".

Andy smiled, Luke had really let go of the slight disliking he held for Sam.

"He stopped being an idiot yet?".

"What?".

Oh right, Andy didn't know that he had told Sam he was an idiot for letting her go.

"You guys talked yet?".

Andy nodded, looking away silently.

"And?".

Andy tried to hide her smile, but she couldn't. She didn't want too. Not anymore.

"But you're holding back". Luke stated it because he knew she was.

"Andy, Swarek isn't the same without you. You will regret letting him go, trust me. It's always been Swarek, yeah he screwed up, but so did you. Don't let the best thing that's happened to you go because you're scared. He's a good guy".

Andy stared at Luke.

How was it so easy for him to say that?

"I've gotta go, but stay in touch? And thank you". Andy was out the door like a hurricane, Luke smiling and shaking his head as he put the last few personal items left on his desk into the box.

She really had no idea that Swarek was her perfect match.

Andy whirled through the barn looking for Sam. She checked the locker room, but he wasn't in there - so she headed for his office.

She breezed through the open door and rushed in, Sam standing up out of his chair the second he saw her coming.

He opened his mouth to ask her if everything was okay, but he never got the chance to say the words.

She literally crashed into him, devouring him in another heated kiss.

When she pulled away, Sam was totally breathless and rendered completely speechless.

Well almost.

"And that?". He managed after about twenty seconds.

"That; that was me closing my eyes and jumping".

There wasn't another way of saying it.

The smile that tugged Sam's lips up was one Andy would never forget.

"Yeah?". Sam sounded a little weary at first, but her own face made it fade.

"But if you let me fall Sam..".

"Never gonna happen McNally".

And she truly believed him when he said that, because his eyes didn't lie.

After shift Andy rushed into the locker room.

She needed to catch her breath after giving Traci the whole run down of what happened with Sam after she came into booking with the last guy for the shift. She spent twenty minutes going over everything, her mind still not really comprehending that things were different now.

Andy was digging in her locker when the door opened and Marlo walked in, stopping a few feet away from Andy.

Marlo smiled warmly, no signs of any bad vibes anywhere on her face.

"Hear you stepped up McNally".

Marlo passed her, Andy following as she headed for her locker.

"Yeah, about that...". This was really awkward.

"Don't go there. Nothing happened, his heart wasn't in it. It was always you, even when you were a ghost".

Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad. She didn't appear to be all that bad either.

"Just don't let him go this time". Marlo added as she closed her locker door, and headed for the showers.

Andy exited the locker room to find no sign of Sam. Traci said he left around lunchtime for a homicide, so he was probably still busy.

So she decided to go home, even though it would have been nice to see him.

Waving goodbye to Traci across the bullpen, Andy pushed the door open and stepped into the fresh air, only to stop dead in her tracks at Sam leaning against the door of his truck, feet crossed at the ankles.

She should have guessed that he'd be around when she knocked off shift.

It felt comforting knowing that he cared enough to stop and pick her up after shift.

"Hey" Sam said as he pushed off the truck when she was close enough.

"Hi".

Sam reached out and took her bag from her, setting it down on the back seat before opening the passenger door for her.

"Thought you were busy". Andy said as she got in, just as Sam pushed the truck door closed.

Seconds later Sam opened the door again, his hand testing on the top while the other took up residence on the headrest just behind Andy's head.

"Repeat after me". Sam said, Andy's eyes widening a tiny bit.

"Sam's not going to leave me stranded at work".

So Andy repeated.

"Sam will call me if I need to get a ride home".

Like a parrot, Andy obliged.

"Otherwise Sam will take me home".

Andy tried to stifle her giggle, but she couldn't.

"Sam's not going to let me go again".

Again Andy repeated Sam's words, a breathless giggle wrapped around her words.

"Sam loves me".

Repeating those words out loud made Andy blush, and a huge smile invading her face.

Sam pushed off the door and headrest and closed the door again, leaving Andy staring at him through the window.

She followed him with her eyes all the way up until he got into the truck in the drivers side and closed his door.

Sam tried to hide his smile, but he couldn't. Her bewildered expression was so worth it.

Sam had just put the key into the ignition when he turned to face Andy. She was staring at him, and speechless.

Something that hardly happened- ever.

Andy turned away and looked out the windscreen, before turning back to Sam, the brightest shade of red he had ever seen. Even her ears were red.

"Did you um...". Andy finally found her voice, even though it was all squeaky and high pitched.

But she didn't need to finish her sentence, he knew that she wanted to say 'Did you just make me say that?'.

"Yup".

It wasn't an awkward moment, it was just a weird one.

One where neither of them were hiding anymore.

"Hey you said you were closing your eyes and jumping right? So am I". He really was, but it was what he wanted- she was what he wanted.

Andy didn't say anything as she reached out for her seatbelt and tugged it over herself, but she was

wearing a contented expression.

Sam started the truck, pulled on his seatbelt and pulled out of the parking lot, all the while sneaking glances at Andy.

He put his indicator on to towards Andy's condo but her hand reached out and moved it up so that it was signaling towards Sam's house.

Sam was eyeing her cautiously, expecting some blabbering to follow, or some blurted out, random thought. But all he got was a really happy smile from her.

"You know Andy loves Sam too right?".

And there it was, the one sentence he had been investing himself in hearing, even though he thought he'd have to wait a while before hearing them again. She had said them this morning in the parking lot, but he really didn't think they'd be repeated until she was ready to say them again.

"Never doubted it". Sam replied, because he didn't. He never once doubted how she felt towards him, he had only doubted how he felt for a while because he was scared.

She had doubted how she still felt, because her heart was hiding behind the hurt. Now that the hurt wasn't as prominent, her heart just couldn't hide anymore.

She wore her heart on her sleeve, it was always there for him to see, for the world to see. He just couldn't do the same. He didn't know how too.

But he wanted too, he was going to try. For her.

"Can we start with me making you dinner?". Sam asked as he stepped on the gas and pulled out of the parking lot towards his house, his words from months ago coming back.

"How about we make dinner?".

We.

As in us.

That sounded just perfect.

For a long time there was Sam and there was Andy, no them, no together. Just each as a separate entity.

Now finally there was a them.

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


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